’Twas the Night Before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the States
Trump’s Cabinet was stirring, although it was late
/
Mike Pence fed his rabbit, in the cage where it lay
Then leaned over and whispered, “Thank God you’re not gay”
He went and got Karen, grabbing Mother’s hand tight
And left to attend their fourth church service that night
/
And Betsy Devos, over in her McMansion
Was trying to fathom educational expansion
Her Christmas dress hung in her closet with care
And she slept with a gun, in case of a bear
/
“Why do people need school?” She asked of her spouse
“Can they not afford to purchase a house?”
Her thoughts soon wandered (they did that a lot)
And she thought of that sad day when she lost her yacht
/
Steve Mnuchin sat fireside, sipping some gin
Deep in thought as he stroked his weird small baby chin
His wife waltzed in: “Do you like this dress, honey?”
But all he could picture were big stacks of money
/
Meanwhile, John Kelly, upright in his chair
Was trying to unstick his look of despair
“Look happy tomorrow,” he muttered out loud
“You have to convince them this job makes you proud”
/
Kirstjen Nielsen was nestled all snug in her bed
While visions of border walls danced through her head
She lay there for hours, thinking of immigration
And the next way that she could embarrass the nation
/
And Rick Perry in Texas was frantic because
He really did not know what damn day it was
“Is it Christmas Eve? Or December 23rd?”
He didn’t trust calendars (he thought them absurd)
/
While he stood there and tried to get his brain unstuck
His wife got to work on refueling their truck
They drove to see family, a Yuletide tradition
Of doing their part to boost carbon emissions
/
Ben Carson, meanwhile, was stressed out as well
He’d run out of brain surgeon stories to tell
And his family was ready to take their big stand
Sick of hearing him refer to his own “gifted hands”
/
And in Florida the Donald, on a gold toilet seat
Was up way past his bedtime, but wanted to tweet
He screwed up his face, thinking with all his might:
“Merry Christmas! No collusion! Sad! Goodnight.”
-
