UN Revokes Drumpf’s Security Clearance
37 Nations follow suit after Tweeted revelations
The United Nations revoked Drumpf’s security information following a Tweet criticizing former CIA Director John Brennan that revealed top secret UN information. “We had no choice,” said UN President Miroslav Lajčák in his announcement. “The man exposed one of the most sensitive operations in international history because he can’t control his thumbs.”
Earlier this morning Drumpf defended his decision to revoke Brennan’s security clearance with a Tweet claiming Brennan was the worst director in CIA history. He added the example “the man agreed to cooperate with the crooked UN on a top secret investigation into Rusal and North Korea. It forced us to deliver critical intel to their corrupt NK spy General Kim Hye-Jen.”
Within three hours North Korea announced General Kim died of a “massive cerebral hemorrhage” and the entire UN intelligence network was scooped up and imprisoned. Oleg Deripaska, Rusal director and oligarch in Vladimer Putin’s inner circle, is reported to have surrendered three top aides to the Kremlin as “criminal inside traitors.” Sources agree Deripaska acted on information provided by North Korea after General Kim’s interrogation.
“Who cares whether I get info from those international losers? It’s about time somebody took care of business at the crooked UN.”
North Korea has since moved to have Lajčák removed from office for criminal activities, a move seconded by Russia, Syria and Iran for “secret criminal conspiracies against UN member states.” The UN tripled Lajčák’s security after reports that Kim Jong UN secretly placed a five million dollar bounty.
When informed of the developments by his intelligence staff, Drumpf is reported to have replied, “Who cares whether I get info from those international losers?” He also said, “It’s about time somebody took care of business at the crooked UN.”
Since Lajčák’s move to revoke Drumpf’s clearance, 37 nations (including every nation in the G-6) declared they would no longer share sensitive information with the US if Drumpf keeps his security clearance.
Members of Senate Intelligence Committee discussed a bill to limit the information Drumpf sees. They backed down when they saw their names on a brand new list of clearances to revoke.
Members of Senate Intelligence Committee discussed a bill to limit the information Drumpf sees. They backed down when they saw their names on a brand new list of clearances to revoke.
Russian President Vladimir Putin stepped back from the trend. “Drumpf has supplied my people with such great information just by opening his mouth I will continue to share the most secret information that best serves Russian interests.”
Kim Jong Un sent a new letter to the White House thanking him for “his devoted service to the people of the People’s Republic.” The letter promised Kim would “appear to be even more cooperative on the nuclear thing.”
Jonesing for an additional 45 fix? Check out:
- Allan Ishac
- Steven Rouach
- The White House Log, a roundup of my reporting.
Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, and the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus. Follow him @stephens_pt.
