Uneasy lies the head that wears a father’s hat
Our little family of three walked past a hat shop the other day, and were mesmerized by the wonderful collection the shopkeeper had. We bought about half a dozen hats and couldn’t wait to try them on. My daughter picked a mauve one that had ‘Innocent child’ inscribed on it. She told my husband, “Pappa, do you know, I sit next to a boy called Rafael in class. The other day, he asked me, “Do you have Pixie dust on you?” I asked him why he asked me that and he said, “Because you look like an angel to me””
I immediately picked a pink hat that had the words ‘Impressionable woman’ etched on it and thought to myself, Wow, what a line! I want to meet this boy Rafael. My husband, though, picked up a fuming red hat, and asked her in a stern voice, “Who is this boy? Tell me what he looks like. Does he still sit next to you? I think I want to meet your teacher”. My perceptive little daughter realized that her sentence had caused my husband great discomfort and immediately wore a hat that read, ‘smart cookie’ and said to her father, “Oh don’t worry pappa, he told me that because he never knows any of the answers in class, and always asks me to help him out.” I don’t know which was greater — the sense of relief that my husband felt, or the sense of disappointment that I felt.
A week later, we went to our daughter’s school for Rhyme and Rhythm day. As soon as we entered the auditorium, we saw a boy bullying another boy, and my husband said to me, “I bet that is Rafael.” He sat with a hmph when I paid him no heed. When my daughter’s class got up on stage, he gave the entire class a thorough screening, and his eyes finally settled on a big, rather boisterous looking fella. Wearing the same fuming red hat, he said to me, “I know that’s him”. I said, “That’s who, darling?” His hat seemed to grow a shade darker as he responded, “Don’t pretend like you don’t know! Rafael that’s who!” I’d carefully chosen to wear the ‘Proud, yet cool mom’ hat that day, so I asked, “Who is this Rafael?” My husband tipped the now crimson hat over, and told me, “You should pay more attention to what your daughter says, woman! That is the boy who used that angel line on her!” Throwing the hat out of the window, I broke into spontaneous laughter.
My daughter likes pretending she’s a salon attendant. The only customer she has is her father, who lets her style his hair any way she likes, because it always looks the same irrespective of whether she’s run a lawn mower through it or poured a bottle of conditioner on it. A couple of days ago, the stylist told her only customer that she was going to give him a rock star look because it was ossum. Even before his hair could be styled, my husband wore his light red ‘Suspicious dad’ hat on, and asked, rather innocently, “Do any of the boys in your class look like rock stars?” When she responded in the negative, he dropped all subtleties and asked, “Does Rafael look like a rock star?” My daughter ran to me and said, “Amma, I think pappa is very fond of Rafael. He talks about him all the time. I don’t like him, but do you think I should make friends with him because pappa seems to like him so?” I wore my peacock blue ‘I told you so’ hat on and gave my husband the cockiest smile I could possibly wear.
Every villain in every movie now looks like Rafael to my husband. He thinks Sauron, Ramsay Bolton, Voldemort, and his boss should’ve all been called Rafael. During an argument the other day, I knew I had really angered him, because he said, “Another word out of you Rafael, and I swear you will never see that lovely necklace again!” I really wished I had some pixie dust on me just then.
