Unf*cking Yourself In Time For The Holidays

A few simple tips I plan on implementing to unf*ck myself.

2024 is rapidly coming to a close, and I know many of you, myself included, would like to get a jump on 2025 and hit the ground running.

It wasn’t a bad year, but I feel that I made very little forward progress. Maybe I had a touch of spring and summer sadness, but I now feel like I must move more expeditiously toward my goals and shake off the 2024 blues.

Here are a few ways I plan on un-blanking myself in preparation for 2025 and beyond.

Stretching

I’ve always avoided stretching because it was hard, and I didn’t see the point in it. Now, in my forty-second year, I realize that not being able to bend down and tie my shoes is an issue that needs addressing.

Also, I thought stretching was much too sexualized for my liking, and I prefer not to be ogled by lecherous men at the gym. When I get into a butterfly stretch or a nice hip lunge, I can feel their eyes squarely on my pelvis and buttocks.

I can hear their thoughts and feel their hot breath on my neck as they whisper their vile intentions in my ear. They stink of cheap cologne and whey protein. They lick my cheek and tell me how dumb I am. I really hate it.