University Alum Conquers The World
The pandemic is over!
We bring you the last installment of our pandemic reporting, with an update on our now two most famous alums. In our first story (last fall), we highlighted Del who was a promising freshman at the time. Our second story in the winter focused on ‘Omie, a savvy intern. Since, Del was fast-tracked and graduated with high praises from the University administration during the graduation ceremony in May of this year. It remains unclear if ‘Omie was able to use her influence to facilitate the process. Last week, we caught up with Del and ‘Omie who generously agreed to share their story.
After months of extensive, careful prophylactic measures, Del and ‘Omie finally hooked up.
The inevitable happened soon after.
Del and ‘Omie quickly made up for two years of lost time.
True to her own rigorous University training, ‘Omie ensured that the progeny received an intense, well-rounded education.
The parents tested each offspring against the others to ensure only the leader and best would survive. “May the odds ever be in your favor,” said ‘Omie to each one before sending them into the ring of the spike games. This year, the spike games — consisting of throwing as many spikes as possible as far as possible to annihilate the adversary — weren’t live streamed. Nonetheless they were followed by millions of people around the world, quickly ensuring fame for the winner.
When we met them, Del and ‘Omie were still beaming about their successful and self-sustaining progeny. “Can’t wait for next year’s games… We’ll always have a winner!”, Del giggled. However, ‘Omie admitted to their lack of variety. “We’re bored,” she muttered. In confidence, the couple shared that they had started to look for new ways to occupy and spice up their aging days.
“We could not be more proud of Del and ‘Omie’s achievements,” a University spokesperson shared with us upon news of their story. “The financial well-being of our institution relies on our healthy alums to donate. What an inspirational pair for our new students!”
This satirical series is dedicated to #highered colleagues and friends with#LongCOVID who tirelessly work to make our campuses safer and inclusive.