The Haven
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The Haven

University recruits ’Omie

After Del’s integration success story last semester, the University plans to repeat the experiment on a much larger scale this year. To this end, they hired local talent ’Omie who they hope will bolster in-state admission numbers. “’Omie is a great asset and we are confident her work will attract many more local students who will help diversify our student body,” says one University representative.

‘Omie taking a selfie. (All cartoons by author)

The first week of the semester is not even over, but the University’s hiring gamble seems to be paying off already. While ’Omie is mild mannered, she is also extremely ambitious. She had figured out the ropes of campus and got special access to the University President’s office on day one, making herself indispensable. “We couldn’t be more satisfied with how quickly ’Omie has internalized our values,” says another University representative.

‘Omie secured a position as private assistant to the University President.

’Omie is an interesting character, one that the University believes every student, faculty, and staff on campus should get to know. When not attempting to take over the world, ’Omie dreams of a career in showbiz. Learning about the University President’s retirement next year, she immediately started to plan her performance. “I’m so, so grateful for this unique opportunity to learn, work with fantastic colleagues, and make so many new friends. This has been a terrific experience I hope to replicate elsewhere,” says ’Omie.

‘Omie’s life-long goal to be the star of a President.

At the end of our interview, we asked ’Omie for some final wise words. “See you all very soon!” she answered unassumingly.

This satirical series is dedicated to #highered colleagues and friends who tirelessly work to make our campuses safer and inclusive.

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Emmanuelle Marquis

Emmanuelle Marquis

Materials scientist & teacher | Faculty @Umich | Aspiring art maker and mentor | Still recovering from encountering COVID | Views are my own