Unpopular Dating Profile Answers — Travel Edition

Pam Gaslow
The Haven
Published in
4 min readJun 6, 2024

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I’m not getting on a plane to see a bird

Photo: Author eating a corn dog at a rest stop outside of Asheville, NC

About me: I sleep through entire plane rides, don’t sit in the sun, hang out at pools, or go anywhere below 65 degrees. I don’t go on boats. I don’t travel with fancy clothes, jewelry, or makeup. I will be on my phone often, but the more significant the time difference, the less time I spend on it. I’m obsessed with the weather, and I walk fast. I will need a translator for all English speakers outside the US except Canada. I don’t understand British, Irish, Australian, or South African accents — because what?

About you: Handsome, fit, and adventurous. Please don’t be dumb, drunk, slow, or late to the airport. Please do not make us stop because you need your third cup of coffee. Grow up. If you miss the flight, I will leave without you. If your passport has expired, lose my number.

Special skills: passing out before takeoff and waking up to find we’re still on the ground. Underpacking and forgetting critical medication.

What I don’t eat: Canadian food. What is it?

Do not rely on me for: waking up happy. Also, please don’t ask me to convert currency, anything about the metric system, how to get somewhere, or anything else Google can do.

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Pam Gaslow
The Haven

Comedian and top writer in humor. Miami based. IG: @pamgaslow, pam@pamgaslow.com. Subscribe to my mailing list: https://upscri.be/fpacdo