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Congratulations! The holidays are almost here (or at least, a holiday), and we’re in the giving mood. Take 15% off your entire order! But act fast, this offer expires yesterday.
*No longer want to receive these emails? Click here to unsubscribe.
We’re so sad to see you go! Please enter your email address below.
Thanks! You have been officially added to our “Unsubscribe” email list. Stay tuned for an email with further directions regarding your request to unsubscribe.
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Hiya stranger! We understand you would like to unsubscribe. We hate to see you go, but we love to watch you leave you sexy thang! In order to serve you better, and to complete your request, please select one of the following:
- I no longer want to receive these emails
- I never signed up for this list
- I don’t appreciate the finer things and don’t deserve to be on this list
- I’m a monster
- Other
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Hey friend! We noticed that you recently claimed that you never signed up for our email list. According to our records, on November 12th of last year you purchased an item in one of our brick and mortar stores and entered your email address to receive a 10% discount. Guess you were wrong about that! No hard feelings though. If you’d still like to unsubscribe select from the following options:
- I’m awesome. Keep me on the list!
- I’m a liar and I’d still like to unsubscribe
- I’m sorry
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Hello you unremorseful bastard (kidding)! You recently admitted to lying and having no taste, since you no longer want to receive super hot deals regarding our insanely cool stuff. We have to admit, we’re not mad, just disappointed. Like, we expected that would happen, but not from someone in your specific demographic! Our data analysts are truly stumped. Nonetheless, if you really think you’re somehow better than everyone else who shares your upbringing/interests/age/income/relationship status, then by all means please unsubscribe. In fact, you can’t unsubscribe, you’re fired! We are booting you off the email list! We don’t want you. How does that feel?
- It feels terrible. Sign me back up
- I am a loser
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Dear Loser, if there is one thing we here at our corporation value, it’s honesty. The fact that you have the courage to identify as a loser suggests to us that you are a trendsetter, a tastemaker, a rebel, and a true individual. And nothing screams unique like our best-selling products, agree our millions of customers! Which is why we’d like to extend to you this extra special offer of 15% off! But act fast, this offer is expired.
- I am merely human
*No longer want to receive these emails? Choice is an illusion.
