Updated and Dumbed Down ‘Snows of Kilimanjaro’ with Gifs aka ‘13 Ways You Know Gangrene Is About To Kill You’

Devorah Blachor
Jul 21, 2017 · 2 min read
  1. Instead of calling you ‘Bwana’, Molo has started referring to you as, “Hyena kibbles”

2. You start to worry that your wife will bore you to death before the gangrene gets you

3. “Shoot me now” isn’t just a whimsical expression.

4. Your regret-laden hallucinations are a series of “glamorous place-brags”, tragic tales of betrayed half-wits and whoring recollections.

5. The heat shimmer of the plain to the edge of the bush is making everything look delicious.

6. Even verbally abusing your wife has started to bore you.

7. The vultures aren’t literary critics. They’re actually vultures!

8. Your rich bitch wife has just shot a Tommy ram and can’t stop bragging about it.

9. Death has come and rested its head on the foot of the cot and you can smell its breath.

10. You have a whiskey soda in your hand but you keep asking for another whiskey soda

11. Dying is boring you.

12. Your hallucinatory rescuer has just called you “old cock”

13. You understand that actual prose writing, and not your wife’s money or clicks or heart emojis, was what gave your life meaning. And now it’s too late.

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

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Devorah Blachor

Written by

Author of The Feminist’s Guide to Raising a Little Princess https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/547280/the-feminists-guide-to-raising-a-little-princess-by-

The Haven

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

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