US Steel = Jobs, Jobs, Jobs
Virtual plants will put America back on track.
US Steel will open seven, no make that six, no, it was seven, or “some” new plants to restore America’s greatness and put Americans back to work, Drumpf told supporters at multiple rallies. Except he only said US Steel would open the plants allowing his supporters to infer the stuff about jobs and greatness.
And he added, “Ignore the fake news fact checkers when every one of them denies this tomorrow.” Which they did. The Associated Press, Politifact, New York Times, Washington Post, CBS, CNN and every other major news outlet. In fact, the only fact they didn’t correct was that they would uniformly dismiss his claims.
“They’re colluding against me now,” he told Pennsylvania supporters last week during his 47th ”I Don’t Know How to Do My Job So I’m on Tour” Tour since he took office. “Talk about collusion, the real collusion is the collusion by Fake News organizations to make me look stupid. You know who you can trust? FOX, Sinclair and RT America.” RT America, formerly Russia Today, is Vladimir Putin’s news outlet in the United States.
“Talk about collusion, the real collusion is the collusion by Fake News organizations to make me look stupid. You know who you can trust? FOX, Sinclair and RT America.”
Joining the ranks of Fake News was US Steel whose representatives told the press they would make an official announcement when, and if, any plant openings occurred.
White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, as usual, was left to clean up Drumpf’s mess, a job for which she has proved herself completely unsuited. “You misunderstood like you always do,” she told reporters. “When Drumpf said ‘will open,’ he was speaking virtually. It hasn’t physically happened but it virtually about to happen. At some point in the imagined future. Which is about as real as real can get. So statistically, US Steel will produce another million net tons of steel and create more than one hundred thousand new jobs. That will be the boost the economy’s needs.”
“When Drumpf said ‘will open,’ he was speaking virtually. It hasn’t physically happened but it virtually about to happen. At some point in the imagined future. Which is about as real as real can get.”
“Are we talking steel futures?” asked CNN’s Jim Acosta.
Sanders ignored his question and pointed to the FOX News team who had been given half the seats in the conference room. Most were new since the White House raided FOX to hire staff members. “Are we talking steel futures?” the generic new blonde asked.
“Exactly, except that with futures you’re making predictions about a physical product will end up on the market. Statistics are just numbers.”
The White House followed the conference by releasing photographs of all seven US Steel sites with the projected plants projected “virtually” onto the photographs. US Steel denied any association with the photographs.
One Drumpf supporter claimed to be healed of his unemployment when he touched the image on his TV screen. Since then the White House has emailed copies to hundreds of Drumpf supporters.
One Drumpf supporter, however, claimed to be healed of his unemployment when he touched the image on his TV screen. Since then the White House has emailed copies to hundreds of Drumpf supporters who requested them for a modest processing fee of $39.99.
When asked to defend charging gullible taxpayers for a service they already paid for, White House spokesmen claimed, “We’re fundamentally opposed to taxing those in need. This was a fee.”
Jonesing for an additional 45 fix? Check out:
- Allan Ishac
- Steven Rouach
- The White House Log, a roundup of my reporting.
Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, and the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus. Follow him @stephens_pt.
