USA to Observe “Sunday Truce”

The President of the United States said he needs a day off “after all the fighting.”


The ongoing trade war between the United States and China has proven to be one of the worst in recent history, with nearly US$ 100 billion in both American and Chinese goods being increasingly tariffed by both parties. Additionally, with parties threatening to raise “retaliatory tariffs” on each other for up to hundreds of billions of dollars worth of goods, it seems like the supposed short-term effects of the trade war may not vanish any time soon.

Not atypical of the United States, the Trump administration is also fighting other wars simultaneously. The United States has undertaken a trade war with Turkey to drive the release of an American national who is detained for allegedly “helping plot a 2016 coup attempt” against Turkish President Erdogan.

As a CNBC reporter told the network, “Trump is pointing a pretty powerful bazooka at the global economy.” However, the president’s latest announcement may come off as a relief to many around the world.

In what was expected to be an announcement about increased tariffs on both Turkey and China, the implacable President of the United States told reporters on Thursday that he needs a day off “after all the fighting.”

“You know, we’ve fought some big battles over the last few days. You wouldn’t have me taking leave if Obama had done this earlier. The American people will be happy. Right now, I need this break,” said President Trump, evidently not failing to criticise former President Obama for “the worst trade deals ever”.

“I haven’t been able to watch television for many days. I really wonder what the lying fake news media has been saying about me while I’ve been working hard — very hard — for the American people.”

“These bigly (sic) numbers make me dizzy, especially after eating those Big Macs,” quipped President Trump, adding that “the Sunday truce should allow both of us to rethink our strategies.”

“When we rain fire and fury on them next week — I’ll say this — I don’t see why they wouldn’t be shocked.”

“Solar panels, rice, dog food, and that awful red wine — bing, bing, bing — all gone. We have the bling to make them disappear from America.”

Sources close to the President claim that the President has lost track of his fits against China, and needs to play a few games of golf “to get back on track.”

In a perplexing statement, President Trump also told reporters, “I probably haven’t exercised so much in months.” Although an official clarification has been sought, it is assumed that President Trump is referring to his recent exercise of power in setting tariffs, and not his erratic and infrequent physical exercise schedule.

The President heads off to his Mar-A-Lago club on Saturday for his 136th golf break during presidency.


Most content in this article is fictional, but based on President Trump’s real potential to raise a few chuckles. This article was originally published in my school’s newspaper.

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