Vladimir Putin Is A Teeny Tiny Little Creep
An itty bitty little man, little teensie weensie boy.
Vladimir Putin, who rose to fame for being the first openly homosexual clown in his dorm room, surprised nobody this week by revealing to the world that he is, in fact, a scrubby little fun-sized dork.
The Russian head of state, some would call dictator, others would call dick-eater decided that there were too many smiling faces in the Ukraine. To remedy this egregious error, Vlad the Invader announced that he would be taking Ukraine and war criming it until nobody wants it anymore.
Voldemort Putin, who stands canonically at a stout 4'3" and touts an unimpressive wingspan of 35 inches, has held an iron grip over the nation of Russia for over two decades. When he’s not too busy killing his political opponents, or strong-arming his constituents, or jamming out to his favorite Pussy Riot playlist while massaging his flabby pectorals, he’s usually creating stringent propaganda campaigns to spread misinformation and sew discord across the West, or trudging to the kremlin up to his shoulders in 4 inches of snow.
He can also be found stealing super-bowl rings, pissing in his baby-sized trousers, and eating shit at his local hockey arena on the weekends.
