The Haven
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The Haven

Artist’s conception of revised Drumpf border plan.

Wall Narrative Changes Once More

”Wall is a metaphor, but it’s a literal metaphor.”

Drumpf reiterated his willingness to accept a wall that wasn’t a real concrete wall, as long as it was real and made of concrete.

“It could be a steel wall, but it has to be steel we can see through. If we can’t see through the steel, we won’t know who the bad guys are trying to cross the wall. So I would accept see-through steel. That would be even better than concrete, which you can’t see through. As long as we have barriers to practice safe relations with Mexico and its neighbors to the south. Think of immigrants as STDs. Nobody knows more about STDs than me, let me tell you. Once they get into the system, you carry them around for the rest of your life. Unless you get a shot of penicillin, but there’s no penicillin for the STD known as illegal immigration. If a condom will keep the Mexicans out, I’ll settle for a condom. It’s cheaper, and Mexico will probably pay for a condom. Or steal one for us, because Mexicans like to steal. So, yes, I will accept a giant two thousand mile wide condom as long as it’s concrete and a wall and I get all five billion from the taxpayers, because you can’t build a wall with pesos. We tried it during the Mexican-American War, a lot of people don’t know that, building a wall with pesos from Mexico, but the immigrants stole the pesos and snucked across the border anyway. So the thing all Americans need to understand is the wall is a metaphor, but it’s a literal metaphor.”

”Five billion dollars for my literal metaphoric concrete wall or barrier, or condom. As long as it’s a concrete five billion dollar wall. Take it or leave it. That’s the compromise.”

Drumpf also declared that drones wouldn’t stop immigrants, only a wall would stop them. “Nobody knows more about drones than me, and I’m telling you, they’re useless at stopping immigrants. They’re way up high in the air, and the murderers and rapists are down on the ground. How’re drones in the air going to stop Mexicans too poor to fly? Many of you don’t know this but I piloted drones during the Vietnam war. It was a super secret mission and we released a cover story that I was home with bone spurs, but I was in Nam, personally piloting drones, which is cramped, let me tell you, and I dropped thousands, no millions of tons of bombs on the gooks, which is what we called the Chinese enemy in Vietnam then, and we still would if it weren’t for politically correct liberal do-gooders like Pocahontas, who faked her DNA test by the way, I’m more Cherokee than she is, full-blooded, I could be the Cherokee chief if I weren’t already President, I still can, I can multi-task you know, like when I was a student at Wharton at the same time I was piloting bombing missions from drones in Vietnam.”

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