We all need a Boyle in our Lives
Jim: Hey, Janice dumped me man. After one year of being together she had the audacity to end it over the phone.
Boyle: Janice did what? Are you kidding me? You guys were so good together. I already had the photo of the three of us on the side of my bed.
Jim: Did we all have a photo together? I can’t remember —
Boyle: Well I photoshopped my face in the photo from your first date but that’s not the point. You and I have invested so much time and energy into this relationship. I had my best man suit ready just in case you got drunk some day and went for a spontaneous wedding . I am going to confront Janice
Jim: She won’t listen to you
Boyle: Why?
Jim: You might wanna sit down for this. She detested you at a molecular level buddy. She was planning to have you abducted by her thug friend on the day of the wedding and then be dropped home the next day. She couldn’t bear you being there. She said your mere presence could make any holy union ‘unholy’
Boyle: What? Why I am hearing about all this now? She gave no signals that she hated me.
Jim: No signals? Really? How about the fact that even though you guys live barely two houses away whenever you offered to share a cab her lazy ass suddenly felt like walking. Her grandma conveniently got ill every time you planned a party. She puked on your sandals when she saw you dressed up as Mrs. Doubtfire on Halloween. She wouldn’t let you sit on the front seat of her car because it was reserved for Mr. Waffles. You got bested by her pug Boyle! If it were a beagle I could’ve understood the dilemma.
Boyle: Wow I was really convinced that her Grandma had fragile health. I was sending her roses with ‘Get well soon’ cards for months. All this a lie. Betrayal! But I pulled off Mrs. Doubtfire with perfection didn’t I?
Jim: Well it sure wasn’t bad enough to be puked on.
Boyle: Let’s go and meet Janice together. We both have some things to clear
Jim: I don’t think that is —
Boyle: I’m not asking you!
On reaching Janice’s home. Outside the front door
Jim: Janice you should have shown the decency of —
Boyle: Back off a minute Jimmy. Return the 5 grand you took for your “Grandma’s surgery” you Liar!
Janice: Look I spent that money already. I’ll return it eventually. Don’t create a ruckus here. My mother’s not feeling too well today and needs to sleep —
Boyle: Oh, does she also need a surgery? Hand her 10 grand Jimmy.
Jim: You should have met me in person Janice.
Janice: Look it would have been way more difficult to say all that in person.
Boyle: If you want to scam me and puke on me it’s fine. What is not fine is messing with Jimmy’s feelings. I love him and since he loves you, I guess I have no choice but to love you.
Janice: I guess I felt pressured when you started talking about the future that day. I need some more time to think about marriage. Couple of months atleast. But we can get back together for the time being
Boyle: Great and you’ll have to name your kid ‘T-Rex’ if boy and ‘T-Roxy’ if girl to honor the sacrifices and scams I endured for you guys. He’s my favorite dinosaur.
Janice: No chance of that.
A Elderly woman jogged past them with above ordinary agility.
Boyle: Wow I’ve never seen a old woman in such good shape. You know her Janice?
Janice: Uh.. No. I —
Boyle: She’s your Grandma isn’t she. 5 Grand Jimmy! 5 Grand. By the way, what did you do with the handwritten ‘get well soon’ notes that I was sending every week?
Janice: Well Mr. Waffles caught a flu and so we couldn’t take him out for a couple of days. He had to relieve himself someplace inside in the house and so —
Boyle: So Mr. Waffles relieved himself on my show of concern!
Janice: Forget about all that. You guys wanna watch a movie tonight? We’ll share a cab
Boyle: I feel like walking.
