‘We F***ed Up,’ Illuminati Says as Preparations for Reset Begin
Secret world rulers admit to getting carried away and apologize vehemently
In a recent press release, representatives from the Illuminati admitted they “never thought we’d make it this far,” emphasizing that they “are truly sorry” and “are working emphatically to reset everything.”
The Illuminati officially formed on 1 May 1776 in Bavaria, though overtime they have merged with several other secret societies — some with ancient origins — and spread their influence over prominent world governments. Their true origins are still a secret to the public, but several scholars have traced them back to Ancient Rome and Egypt.
At a press conference last Thursday, select members of the press were gathered at a stone structure eerily similar to, but not entirely like, Stonehenge where they were greeted by several figures in ominous, dark robes that hid their faces in shadow.
While we were not invited to this press conference, one of our colleagues in attendance described the scene as “really fucking weird. You know, like, when the hairs on the back of your neck stand up? It was like that, but all over.”
The hooded figures did not speak in unison, but rather they took turns speaking one word at a…
