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The Haven

We Must Protect The Truth Of Pitbull

Photo by Bruno van der Kraan on Unsplash

As tempting as it is to focus on our own survival in times of crisis, we can’t overlook the preservation of our cultural achievements. Should civilization fall, documents will be lost, people will be forgotten, and stories will cease to be told. Some tales will make it, but, due to missing pieces, they will be twisted by tellers and scrutinized by listeners. If it should come to that, we can expect a future of misunderstandings and conspiracy theories. That is why I write this to remind you that there is a truth we need to protect at all costs: Pitbull was real, and he was only one person.

Silly, you say? Allow me to explain. Of course we know that Pitbull is one mortal man, the man who started as Mr. 305 and rose up to be Mr. Worldwide, but I’m asking you to think one hundred years into the future. If we don’t take action now and things do collapse, you will be asking future generations to believe — on nothing but faith — that one artist released the songs Fireball and Time of Our Lives in the same year. Is it not fair for them to doubt that a man could take two trips that deep into the human condition and come out alive?

There is precedent for this. Look at Shakespeare. Today, four hundred years after his death, there’s no shortage of nonbelievers who want to give credit to Francis Bacon, Christopher Marlowe, or Time Traveler Nic Cage. While I disagree with the anti-Stratfordian truthers, I understand their dubiety. Just as I will understand when our children’s children’s children make the same charges against dear Pitbull.

If not the Shakespeare attack, Pitbull will get the Homer treatment. Skeptics might concede that a Pitbull existed, but they will highlight the major style changes between albums like Planet Pit, Global Warming, and Globalization and use those shifts not as evidence of Pitbull’s unrivaled range, but, rather, as proof that that “Pitbull” was a collective. When pressed for members of said collective, they will probably suggest names like Sean Paul and FloRida. We can only pray that the charlatans spewing that nonsense get laughed out of the room.

Simply put, this is a call to action. Tell your children about Pitbull. Remind them to tell their children about Pitbull. Post about Pitbull on your social media. Write about Pitbull in your journals. His truth needs to be everywhere from stickers on the car to messages in a bottle because we don’t know what materials will endure.

Yes, Pitbull was real. Yes, he was only one man. And for a good stretch of the 2010s, he was the best we had. Please remember that.




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Christian Harrington

Christian Harrington

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