CAUTIONARY TALES
Weeds Declare Victory in Battle for Yard
Local woman concedes defeat
Independence!
For miles, weeds from around the area celebrated in solidarity, with a stunning display of seeds drifting through the air. The weeds were seen to do a little victory dance, waving leaves and stems and spreading pollen everywhere.
“It was hard fought on both sides,” said Ms. Smith, “but I must admit, I did not have the tenaciousness and power of the weeds that now own this little plot of land. I wanted some pretty plants of my own, but I have given up fighting the inevitable. It is just not worth it for a few bouquets.”
The weeds who claim the yard formerly known as Jane Smith’s gardens, have prevailed over her efforts to replace them with flowering plants and shrubs. “I think they beat me with their underground networks.” said Ms. Smith. “I can’t match their resources.”
Political Fallout
The whole situation has caused a current of unease among gardeners in the area. “I didn’t realize that weeds could be that organized.” said a worker in a nearby nursery. “Have they been plotting against us this whole time?”
Human neighbors of the Smith house are not at all happy with the situation. “So that’s it?” said a man across the street. “She’s just going to give up and let those weeds turn her property into a jungle? What if they take over the neighborhood? It’s taken me years to get my lawn the way I like it.”
A spokesperson for the weeds let it be known that the property will not, in fact, be a jungle, the climate being totally incompatible with that lofty possibility, but it will be overflowing with life from now on. “We just won’t be coddling any weak invasive bulbs who can’t pull their own weight.”
An Uneasy Truce
A settlement negotiated by local pollinators makes some accommodations for their human neighbors. The weeds have agreed to let go of Ms. Smith’s flowering plants or colonized plants as they like to refer to them, so she can transplant the tame flowers into pots on the patio. The weeds will abide by this arrangement as long as she and her family don’t dig in the rest of the yard territory which the weeds have claimed as their own.
The yard is quickly turning into dense forest, which does make the family nervous. “I hope they leave us the house.” said Ms. Smith. “I should have brought that up in the negotiations. I would hate to have to move my family.”
