Welcome to Mad People — an advertising agency for men and women, but mostly men
In case you’re wondering, yes, our name is most definitely inspired by ‘Mad Men’. However, as a male creative director who’s been reprimanded by HR several times, I understand how important diversity is, and we want the name of our agency to reflect just that. In addition to many men, we have a few women too. We’ve recently hired female copywriters and art directors and strategists. But, we haven’t found a suitable female candidate for a creative director — in nearly 25 years.
Our working hours are from 10 AM to 7 PM, not that it really matters since we work all the time anyway. Our dress code is super casual. You’re welcome to come in jeans, track pants, pajamas, or whatever you like as long as you’re comfortable spending the night in them. We do have a cupboard stocked with extra PJs in case, you know, you pee your pants because you’re nervous for a meeting. Or, more commonly, don’t have the time to go to the bathroom. Deadlines absolutely need to be adhered to. To ensure this, account managers chain copywriters and art directors to their desks until the brief is cracked.
Even after you’re unchained from your desk, you must be available via email, text, phone, Slack, Google Chat, Instagram, and Twitter at all times. Your family and friends will constantly be annoyed with you for always being on your phone. Ignore them. They probably have ‘regular’ 9 to 5 jobs, a healthy social life, and time to hit the gym. But who really wants that? Keep thinking of insights.
Remember, we’re on the hunt for ideas that are disruptive, out-of-the-box, have the potential to go viral, and make a difference in the world — or more importantly, at least claim to. We want you to dig deeper and constantly push yourself. Oh, and don’t bother asking me for feedback since it’s probably going to something vague like “It’s just not working for me.” But if it helps, the creative team here believes that adding cool tech — especially VR — to any idea immediately makes it stronger. Actually that reminds me — Greta, where are we on that NFT idea for the client?
It’s very important to always discuss your ideas with your CD. And sometimes, even though the idea may be yours, you must allow your CD to present it. After all, it’s all about how you sell an idea. And a deep masculine voice is likely to do a better job than a screechy feminine one.
Let me set the record straight. I have nothing against people — particularly women — with screechy feminine voices. In fact, we have a special room just for them! It’s right behind the kitchen. Women can comfortably paint their nails, comb their hair, and apply makeup without any disturbance. In fact, that room is so far away from the conference hall that they’ll never even know when a client comes in. Oh, and you know what the best part is? It’s sound-proof! So all the gossip and conversations about men and men will remain completely confidential.
We want you to always feel comfortable at our agency. Mental health matters to us. We’re currently offering all our employees a 50% discount on the new meditation app that’s been launched by our client. I highly recommend it. Using it will do wonders for your mental health. And for our client’s.
Anyway, let’s get you all set-up. I know it’s Christmas but a new brief just came in. I’ll need some ideas by EOD. I hope that works?
