Well, Slap My Chicken
“If you slap a chicken 8000 times, it cooks itself,” Denise tells Tara,
And so I look it up, because I know my A-level physics,
And I’ve seen the meme of Gordon Ramsay shouting at some poor cook
That she’d not slapped her chicken enough,
And it’s not 8000 times, it’s more like 23,034 times,
Given that one slap generates a temperature increase
Of 0.0089 degrees.
And I could tell Denise this,
I could put her right,
Just ahead of Tara doing her “impressed” thing,
Like she always has to do with Denise,
Because Denise knows so much
(courtesy of a son doing physics
And a bunch of other subjects she sometimes takes notice of).
But I don’t.
I don’t let Dr Google aid me in my smuggery,
I don’t put her right on anything,
(Although there’s got to be some other way to
Help out poor Tara — let her know that this woman
Isn’t her superior on as many levels as she tells her she is…)
And why not?
Why don’t I say?
Because I know how much the slap burns.
Because I’ve worked in this office long enough.
And, let me tell you, I’m well past the 8000 by now.
