Attention Military Veterans: Ready to Take Orders Again (But This Time, for Fun and Profit)?
Attention all military veterans!!
Come work for us at The Brady Byte, where we vault individuals to social media immortality and help them unleash their true power.
Thank you for serving our country and risking your life so we can continue to make a boatload of money. Come work for us so everyone can see how much we love America—it will also look great on this year’s Diversity and Inclusion Report.
Before you come serve us, please make sure the following is true….
You are a warrior, humanitarian, and creative all in one. You have the bravery of Wonder Woman, the compassion of Desmond Tutu, and the clever intellect of Mark Twain.
You served in Iraq and Afghanistan—you were deployed long enough that you have a powerful war-story to tell at the next company all-hands—but not so long that you suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
You know how to lead, but you still know your place and won’t try to bring any military nonsense to our tech world — a world saving the globe one Bitmoji and false political ad and data privacy violation at a time.
You traded in your rifle for an iPhone and a MacBook Pro. You dismantled your truck with your bare hands and turned it into a Prius.
You gave up hard liquor and now only drink kombucha and the finest red wine from Napa Valley. You love America but secretly wish you were from Canada.
You used to be a Republican, but by saving grace you’re now a Democrat. On Veteran’s Day, you’ll email the entire company, sending thanks for taking a chance on a broken, but now rehabilitated veteran.
You were a hero in war but don’t have a big head about it. War also broke you a little, but you’ve been healed because enough people have said, “Thank you for your service.”
You speak multiple languages fluently, can dismantle an Improvised Explosive Device, can start a fire in the pouring rain, have a top secret clearance, and know how to fix anything. And you’re now ready to help millions of Americans unleash their inner power on social media.
You once spoke only in military jargon and slang, perhaps a result of not completing high school before entering the military. But you’ve since received a Master’s degree and speak in perfect grammar — straight from the Chicago Style Manual.
You know how to execute, but you’re not overly assertive. You get your point across but never raise your voice. You’re humble but not a pushover.
You always smell like freedom and patriotism.
You do yoga in the morning before work, attend meditation retreats, and drink fresh green smoothies with turmeric and ginger every morning.
We’d love to hire you, dear veteran. And, from the bottom of our hearts, “Thank you for your service.”
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