We’re Looking for a New Dad for our Family
Being a dad today is like being a superhero and artist, a fighter and philosopher all rolled into one. Think you’ve got what it takes to join the team!? Let’s find out!
Job Title: New Dad
Location: Home Office
Reports To: Significant Other and Boss Baby
Job Overview:
Our family is looking for a highly motivated and energetic individual to join our team as a New Dad. The ideal candidate will have a passion for working with children, the patience of Mother Teresa, a strong sense of humor, and the ability to multitask like a Gen Z influencer on TikTok.
Roles and Responsibilities:
- Diaper changing: Change diapers in under 30 seconds — one handed if necessary. Bonus points if you can do it in the dark while sleep deprived.
- Stroller maneuvering: Navigate any kind of terrain that comes your way, with the precision and calm of a Formula 1 driver, all while dodging obstacles such as dogs, curbs, pedestrians, and other dads with strollers.
- Bottle preparation: Prepare bottles while blindfolded and holding a crying baby, with the care and clinical precision as a Navy Seal preparing for a combat mission.
- Playtime coach: Come up with new and creative games, using household items like paper towels, wooden spoons, cardboard boxes, and blankets.
- Car seat installation master: Install a car seat in under 3 minutes, without the instruction manual and with the confidence and cool of a Delta Force operator.
- Sleep whisperer: Negotiate with a crying baby at all hours of the morning and night, using a soothing voice, lullabies, and gentle rocking (or bouncing on a ball as needed) to get them to sleep.
- Laundry wizard: Wash, dry, fold, and put away an entire load of baby clothes, without losing any socks or onesies. Bonus points if you can remove all stains from spit-up and food.
Requirements:
- A minimum of 3 years of experience as a parent or caregiver
- Ability to work flexible hours, including nights, weekends, holidays, and overtime
- Ability to work under extremely high stress and chaotic conditions
- A sense of humor and a positive attitude
- A cool, calm demeanor and a pleasant smile
- Excellent communication and interpersonal skills
- Ability to go an entire weekend without watching college football or the NFL
Benefits:
- Unlimited love and cuddles from significant other and boss baby, expect for when either one is tired, sick, stressed, or not in the mood
- Flexible schedule and the opportunity to work from home
- Opportunities for professional development, including taking online courses in diaper changing, bottle preparation, and crib assembly
- A supportive and understanding team, consisting of your significant other and in-laws, and the occasional random stranger who wants to offer advice
- Multiple opportunities for advancement, including becoming a parent to more children
If you’re a highly motivated, patient, and energetic individual, with a passion for working with children and a sense of humor, we encourage you to apply for the position of New Dad. We offer a very challenging but extremely rewarding work environment, with endless opportunities for growth and advancement.
If you think you have what it takes to join our team, we’d love to hear from you!
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