What Am I Doing Wrong? Why Can’t I Make A Cent On JumpKick.net?
I can’t believe it! I have tried and tried to get a winning spiel on Jumpkick.net, the website where you can start a fundraiser for ANYTHING (yes, this is a real website!)! And they only ask a 5% cut of the booty.
People put on ads for money to help give their pet elephant an enema. For being on the first flight to Mars. For help going through Romanian tombs looking for real vampires to stake. For kneecapping Donald Trump before he becomes President again. ANYTHING GOES with this website.
EXCEPT MINE!!!!!!!!!
Please folks, go over my funding attempts and tell me just what it is that I am doing wrong (QUICK before rent is due!!!):
Help me overcome being a Jerk!
Funds Desperately Needed!
What I have already isn’t working.
-
I want Trump’s Wife!
Please help me get $4 billion
to equal what he has
so I can woo her away!
-
Please help!
I was a porn star
but now am sagging
in all the wrong places!
-
I had a zit that covered my whole face.
Then I popped it.
Cannot go out in public now.
-
Send money!
Dyslexia Real A Bitch This!
Send money me!
Please normal to be help!
-
I called the Rock the ‘A’ word to his face.
Now my nose sticks out the back of my head.
Need extreme (really extreme!) plastic surgery now.
Send money to Should Have-Known-Better.com
-
My sister and I are conjoined twins.
Her side of the body is an Olympic runner
which makes it really hard on my side of the body.
Plus my side is a guy!
-
I was a sword swallower.
Now have gastric problems
and upchuck all the time.
Help keep me in Pepto Bismol.
-
Started nudist colony.
It’s in Canada
Please help with heat lamps
and electric bills.
-
Help me build my Amish theme park
with horse powered Ferris wheels
hay baling events, speed Bible reading
and exciting stitching contests!
-
Save the sinking island of Toslampu
set to drown in the Pacific in ten years.
Need tons of sand and cement transported to very remote area
even though only seagulls live there.
-
I need surgery to attach
a third leg so that I
will not fall down so much!!
Please send me money!
As much as you can!
-
Help me with goal to be a real James Bond like spy!
Cover surgery costs to make me look Chinese
so I can infiltrate Mainland China and snoop around.
Money for language lessons might not be a bad idea either.
