What are spirit animals? And do I have to take mine to the vet?
Spirit animals are guides, not like tour guides pointing out historical buildings and did-you-know facts, but pretty close. Spirit animals are also part of animal worship religions. Cool, right? So different from the “angry God and his much nicer son” belief system that we’re used to, so we’ve totally vibed with the idea that animals have something to tell us.
How to find your spirit animal
Well, you can’t find your spirit animal by taking some stupid online quiz. Your spirit animal finds you. Take a trip to the zoo and see who nudges you at the cage, or finally get around to cleaning your basement. Putting up a hummingbird feeder is a bit of a cheat, but if you feel compelled to tempt fate, like the man who lived among bears until he and his girlfriend were mauled to death on film, it’s up to you.
My spirit animal flew into my house.
One night I was awakened by a strange noise. I put on my glasses and looked through the window to see my cats Romeo and Pippin harassing an owl.
“Look who showed up early for Thanksgiving!”
“Are you going to be here owl-night long?”
The poor guy was in the water dish flapping his cute little wings and looking oh-so confused. The cats were licking their pills, and sharpening their claws and teeth with my metal nail file.
I stood in the doorway. “Leave ’em alone, will ya?”
“Aw, c’mon guys, you’re better than this.”
After some time, I was able to shoo the owl away with a broom, and it flew out into the night, but not before I knew, it came with a message. I am you. It’s all about paying attention.
The meaning of the animals (and no, you don’t have to take yours to the vet)
The Owl — Owls have enjoyed popularity throughout history because the Greek goddess Athena (she’s like a Beyoncé) had one as a pet. After that, Merlin wanted one, then Winnie the Pooh, and also Harry Potter. There’s a wide range of interpretations of what the owl means from high SAT scores to harbinger of death to “How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?”, so if mystery is your thang, then the owl is your spirit animal.
An owl a day keeps the optometrist at bay.
The Wolf/Coyote — After their auh-mazing performances on Dances With Wolves, the wolf was the ‘it girl’. Suddenly folks wanted full or half breed wolf-dogs which lasted as long as tatonka was well-behaved in suburbia. The shadow side of the wolf energy is represented by Wile E. Coyote and his insatiable appetite for the Roadrunner à la mode. Remember to temper the playful and the obsessive sides of the wolf, so you don’t die of a heart attack like Wolfman Jack.
We’re still on Team Jacob — Bella, you suck.
The Bear — Did you know that Goldilocks’s spirit animal was the bear? Because they found her in their woodland cottage. Duhhh! Anyway, despite the fact that these animals are dangerous and massive, Hollywood portrays them as half-clothed dolts looking for honey, fires, and picnic baskets. Now, what does this say about you?
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.
The Spider — The amount of Spiderman reboots has been exhausting and so unnecessary. We get it. Spiders are scary, and so are nubile men in supple red bodysuits. But we can’t forget Charlotte and her web either, as she was dropping some serious knowledge bombs on her boy Wilbur. There’s nothing itsy or bitsy about this spider.
I got your egg sac right here, buddy.
The Eagle — The Eagles have enjoyed a long rewarding career with mega hits like Hotel California, Life in the Fast Lane, and Despacito. Their Greatest Hits album has been going toe-to-toe with Michael Jackson’s Thriller for years which is like totally bananas. They also (FINALLY) made it to the Superbowl and won in 2017. Redemption and tenacity is your sword and shield.
A bird in hand is no KFC value meal.
The Honey Badger — You’re amazing, perfect, and a complete and total badass.
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