What Canadians Love About America
The Truth Might Surprise You
Fort Bragg. North Dakota. Hurricanes and tornadoes. Alcohol and cigarettes.
There are many aspects of America that Canadians find appealing. Fort Bragg is on the top of the list. Canadian tourists flock to Fort Bragg to behold the largest military base in the world. As soon as Canadians arrive there, they breathe a huge sigh of relief, with a sense of comfort and security. Our big brother down south, with its military might and friendly relations with us, will always keep us safe in the world. We are absolved of all responsibility of ever meeting our defense spending requirements as set out by NATO. We can remain content with our air force of 40 refurbished Spitfires from WWII, and our navy of fishing trawlers outfitted with forward guns, and depth charges to guard against submarine attacks.
Canadians favourite state to visit is North Dakota, because it feels like home, with its terrible weather and meagre population. The average temperature in July is 70 degrees, a little hot for Canadians, but we manage by staying in the shade and drinking lots of water. Furthermore, Canadians are intimidated by mega-cities like New York and Los Angeles, and much prefer visiting the town of Ruso in North Dakota, with a population of 4 people. It gives Canadians a chance to actually sit down with Americans and get to know them.
Canadians become thoroughly engrossed witnessing news reports about devastating tornadoes and hurricanes in the U.S. Seeing mobile home parks in the Midwest flattened by tornadoes. Or the destruction of boats and buildings in the wake of various hurricanes on the east coast. While watching the news, Canadians whisper to themselves, “Thank God for winter.” Our cold climate protects us from hurricanes and tornadoes.
Canadians also appreciate the wide availability of alcohol in the U.S. In Canada, the government severely restricts the distribution of alcohol. It can only be purchased in government-run liquor stores or beer stores. In my first visit to the States as an adult, I was not surprised by alcohol being sold in the supermarket. But then I went to a gas station with fridges full of beer. Well, I might as well buy some. One day I stopped by Walgreens to purchase mouthwash but saw some vodka in another aisle. God bless America! So I bought that instead. I gargled a bit to cleanse my mouth, then drank the rest. Another time, I was at the bakery and looked for beer, but there was none. I surmised it is not available everywhere.
Also, cigarettes in the U.S. are about 40% cheaper. In Canada, the government mandates that tobacco manufacturers place horrible graphic images on the packages, with pictures of people with gum disease, tongue cancer, and so on. Recently, they have added warnings on each individual cigarette: “Cigarette smoke harms children,” and “Cigarettes cause impotence.” Canadians are grateful to buy American cigarettes cheaply, and smoke them without guilt.
If there is one aspect of America that Canadians might not admire, it would be politics. Canadians are to some degree aware of U.S. politics. However, sometimes we are so preoccupied by our own domestic affairs, we don’t pay much attention, and we have a short-term memory. Most Canadians can name the current president of the United States, but some Canadians might be a little vague about the former president. They recall he was some sort of billionaire businessman who appealed to the common man and attacked the Washington elite. But he seemed to be a polarizing and divisive figure, which Canadians find somewhat disturbing. In Canadian politics, the leader of the opposition, Pierre Poilievre, will often compliment Prime Minister Justin Trudeau for his good work, and Poilievre will always apologize if he inadvertently blurts out a comment that hurts Trudeau’s feelings.
I write this out of sincere esteem for our southern neighbours. I am actually half American — my father was Canadian, and my mother grew up in the States. (My left half is a Canadian socialist, and my right half is an American libertarian). Canadians think highly of the U.S. in many respects, and I hope Americans also appreciate the qualities of Canadians.
