What I Want You To Say When I Tell You My Kid Is An Octopus

Your “logic” has no place in this family, you MAGA monster.

I ran into an old buddy from college over the weekend, and we exchanged pleasantries as men of our age do after having long outgrown doing cocaine off toilets and pretending to kiss before calling each other gay.

“How are the kids?” He said after taking a swig of coffee.

“Oh, the girls are great. Jen is just starting high school, and Maggie will be a senior this year! Can you believe it?”

“That’s insane! Where does the time go? How’s your son doing?”

“SHE’S an octopus now.”

“Ah, that’s cool,” my friend replied. “Two girls and an octopus! That could be a sitcom or a disturbing piece of pornography. LOL!”

“HAHA, good one, but I have three girls now; one is a female octopus.”

“That’s really rad, man.”

We chatted for a while longer and parted ways, but what he said left me with a warm feeling of acceptance in my heart for the rest of the weekend.

I remember my friend being an open-minded person. He had a four-way with his girlfriend and two other guys on the soccer team, and even when our buddies roasted him for it, he…