What Your Justification for Trump’s “Mexicans are Rapists” Statement Says About You: A Personality Quiz for the American Conservative

“He didn’t say that every Mexican is a rapist! Just some!”

You wish everyone would stop reading into things. You weren’t implying anything when you asked if your nephew had considered liposuction. It’s called making conversation!

“He wasn’t characterizing all Mexicans as rapists — just the ones that cross the border!”

You’re a big believer in following the rules. You go to strip clubs whenever your wife is out of town, but you figure it doesn’t count as long as you don’t give the girls any money.

“It’s not racist because ‘Mexican’ isn’t a race!”

Your deeply held convictions include tomato being a fruit and Pluto not being a planet. Your greatest pleasure in life is correcting your kids’ friends’ grammar.

“He was trying to spark a dialogue about the situation at the border!”

You are a practical thinker and a dynamic problem solver. Your attempts to test the structural integrity of your neighbor’s banister during a dinner party were not met with the gratitude you expected.

“You’re taking it out of context!”

Everyone talks about the time you drove the family minivan into a Chik-Fil-A, but no one mentions that you were rushing so you wouldn’t be late for a screening of God’s Not Dead.

“How can he be racist if he has a black person in his cabinet?”

You love to tell the story about when you were out of town and you went to a black church. It was so loud! Not that you have a problem with it personally but it’s just not for you. You think The Blind Side was robbed of Best Picture.

“How can he be racist if my Hispanic friend voted for him?”

You make sure to say gracias to the staff at Chipotle loud enough for everyone to hear. You think that movie where Michelle Pfeiffer helps inner-city kids was robbed of Best Picture.

“He was defending women who are victims of sexual violence as they cross the border!”

You read The Wall Street Journal to get a sense of what the other side thinks. You like to really pause and take your time with your order at Olive Garden, to the point where it makes your family uncomfortable.

“Well what about the time Obama said…”

Your daughters stopped returning your calls years ago, but it’s fine because you’ve been getting into long discussions with the receptionist at the country club. She doesn’t make eye contact but she’s a good listener.

“He’s just saying what we were all thinking!”

The more you find out about this Columbus guy the more you like him. You think Birth of a Nation was robbed of Best Picture.