What’s That Behind You?

Oh my gosh!

From AD_Images on Pixabay

Look. Listen… What’s that behind you?

Or, alternatively, I don’t even need to say it. I can just look over your shoulder and widen my eyes, like I’m seeing something back there. What is it I’m seeing? You better look for yourself.

This trick isn’t used NEARLY enough in today’s society (we live in a society). Think of all the applications of this useful hack. Okay, fine, I’ll think of them for you. You guys like lists right? Who are we kidding, you LOVE lists.

1. You’re breaking up with someone. It’s awkward. It’s hard. It’s heartbreaking. You’re sad. Better get out ASAP right? No better way than to point clumsily over their shoulder and say “What’s that?!”. CUT TO: them whirling around, afraid for their life. You dash behind a potted Mountain Cabbage Tree (you’re in a hotel lobby and they went overboard). They turn back around, now confused and uncertain — BAM, you’re gone. They’ll never check behind the Cabbage Tree. No one ever does. Ghost them. Crisis averted. Go get some Yogurtland, redownload the dating apps, then get pissed about the dating apps in three days.
2. You’re getting Starbucks. You’re almost at the front of the line. You’re doing your best to ignore the guy wearing a fedora 8 feet away dictating his horror/thriller screenplay to his laptop. The barista asks how they can help…