White House Set Up Rosenstein

Source: Drumpf orchestrated Justice Department leaks

A Haven exclusive

“You know why Drumpf isn’t screaming, ‘Fake News’ about the Rosenstein story? Because he ordered me to leak it.” This was the opening volley when an anonymous source within the White House contacted The Haven.

“BJ? Is that you?” I asked.

The anonymous source remembered to toggle his voice scrambler and a deeper voice replied, ”We’ve never met. Or spoken. Or corresponded in any way.”

“You still owe me for drinks when you said you forgot your wallet, which, by the way, I saw in the ass pocket of your pants when you took your jacket off.” I reminded him.

Once again, my source denied the charge. “You must be mistaking me for someone else, and I’m short this month anyway. I’ll have to catch you in November.”

“You know why Drumpf isn’t screaming, ‘Fake News’ about the Rosenstein story? Because he ordered me to leak it.”

The resistance and the rats

Once we established that my source had no prior connection and was completely unknown to me (and we agreed on his price), he delivered the outline of the story. Many of the leaks appearing to embarrass Drumpf were orchestrated by the White House to justify a purge. ”He planned the purge for after the election, which would be a great time since no one would remember by the time he launches his campaign in January. But the shit with Kavanaugh and that damn Woodward book pushed up our timetable.”

The Haven: So Rosenstein didn’t plan to invoke the 25th Amendment?

Source: Yes and no. He presided over a meeting where several members of the Justice Department considered it. Especially after they saw the shit Mueller dug up in the first few days of the investigation. I mean, you wouldn’t believe what they have on Drumpf. The man thinks he’s covering his trail, but stuck in the pile of dirt that covers his trail is a sign that says, “dig here.”

”You wouldn’t believe what they have on Drumpf. The man thinks he’s covering his trail, but stuck in the pile of dirt that covers his trail is a sign that says, ‘dig here.’”

The Haven: For instance?

Source: That’s classified. I mean, seriously, classified by a dozen different agencies. But the point is, Drumpf knew about the meeting because half of the people who attended were rats. They immediately ran to Priebus and squealed because they were afraid Drump would fire them like he did Comey.

The Haven: And you know this how?

Source: What do you think? I was one of them. And when Priebus broke the news to Drumpf the White House was filled with a sound like stampeding elephants, which is why we were talking about the 25th Amendment to start with. I mean, that man is fucking nuts. Dumb as a rock and totally fucking nuts, but shrewd. It’s like he channels Machiavelli even though he never read the book. Seriously. Drumpf is Karl Rove with the business and management skills of a squirrel. He’ll let the country fall to pieces from inattention, but cross him, even unintentionally, and he’ll find a way make your life so bad the seventh circle of hell looks like a great place to move.

Jew or not a Jew?

Source: Priebus asked me to accompany him to verify what I heard in the meeting so I took the full force of the blowback. The doctors needed three surgeries to repair my left ear drum. The first thing Drumpf shouted was, “Fucking Jew shyster lawyer. I knew I couldn’t trust him. It’s what you expect from the Jews. You give them what they want and they cut their twenty pounds of flesh when your back is turned.”

Priebus says, “Isn’t your son-in-law Jewish?”

“Drumpf is Karl Rove with the business and management skills of a squirrel. He’ll let the country fall to pieces from inattention, but cross him, even unintentionally, and he’ll find a way make your life so bad the seventh circle of hell looks like a great place to move.”

Drumpf slapped him in the face for saying something that stupid. “Listen here Preeb Nuts.” That’s what he called Priebus, “Preeb Nuts.” Don’t ask me what it means. “Listen here Preeb Nuts. There’s good Jews, who got that way by accident, and there’s Jews. Do you see Jared prancing around with a Jew name? Kushner’s a fine Russian name. Vlad assured me of that when we sealed our first deal. He’s a fine Russian with connections to a Russian family with strong family values. They just observe the Jewish rituals and stuff to pacify the Jew Jews who run New York.”

The Haven: I think we’re straying. Why would Drumpf want this story released? The partial truth I understand. The man can’t say something as true as “the grass is green’ without adding ‘because I invented the formula. The best grass greening formula in the history of grass.” But the story makes him look bad. I’m missing something.

Source: Don’t you get it? It’s the Tillerson Play. Straight from the playbook. Who do you think leaked Tillerson’s “moron” comment to the press? Me. Why? So that when Drumpf decided to pull the trigger, no one cared anymore. Old news. That’s the Drumpf playbook. If you can’t see it coming — which he can’t ninety percent of the time even when the clouds are shooting lightning right outside the window. If you can’t see it coming — it’s Fake News. If you know you’re going to do something that might cost votes, or GOP support, make it Old News.

Firing Rod Rosenstein is old news. He can do it Thursday, or after the election. It doesn’t matter. The important thing is Mueller will have to brief Rosenstein’s replacement and that replacement will tell Drumpf everything Mueller has. Then we remove the evidence, Drumpf’s in the clear and Mueller looks like he spent billions of dollars on a witch hunt.

Why do you think I wrote the the “resistance” editorial for the New York Times?

Firing Rod Rosenstein is old news. The important thing is Mueller will brief Rosenstein’s replacement and that replacement will tell Drumpf everything. We remove the evidence, Drumpf’s in the clear and Mueller looks like he spent billions of dollars on a witch hunt.

Preemptive leaking

The Haven: You wrote that?

Source: Hell, yes. I call the strategy “preemptive leaking.” The minute the Woodward book came out, Drumpf wanted to fire his entire staff and start from scratch. I mean everybody from Pence to the lowest clerks in foreign office mail rooms. So I wrote the editorial, showed it to Kelly and Kelly told Drumpf the editorial it would provide the excuse to start his own “investigation when he’s ready to call in the firing squad.”

”That’s the Drumpf playbook. If you can’t see it coming — which he can’t ninety percent of the time — it’s Fake News. If you know you’re going to do something that might cost votes, or GOP support, make it Old News.”

“Then wait until Christmas,” Kelly told Drumpf. “No one will care anymore because they’ll know you’ve been investigating since September. Hell, you can probably get rid of Mueller in the same move and no one will notice.”

The best part? It won’t matter who he fires. He can pick two or three dozen employees at random and it won’t make a difference to the public. The haters will hate and Republicans will go along with anything as long as they stay in power.

The best best part? It doesn’t matter how many people he fires, sooner or later he will piss the remaining staff members off so much they’ll reboot the resistance.

You want to know the part Drumpf liked the best? The firing squad. He really thought he could send Federal employees to a firing squad. Still does, actually. Kelly decided to let Jeff Sessions break the news that it would be illegal. How much more shit can Drumpf dump on the poor bastard? It’s like the man was made to take daily shit dumpings from Drumpf.

The Haven: You’re the one that leaked Dr. Ford’s and Deborah Ramirez’ complaints against Kavanaugh, aren’t you?

Source: Glad you figured it out. We knew about those allegations and a dozen more when Brett was bragging to Drumpf about school pranks. The two spent more than an hour trying to top each other. We figured they were both making shit up. Turns out, when it comes to women they only lie when they deny.

Needless to say, I rescued them with a little preemptive leaking.

”Drumpf thought he could send Federal employees to a firing squad. Still does, actually. Kelly decided to let Jeff Sessions break the news that it would be illegal.”

The Haven: How do I know this interview isn’t preemptive leaking? Or just a bogus story you want printed to confuse readers even further?

Source: You’re catching on. But that strategy wouldn’t be “preemptive leaking.” We call it “narcotic dissembling.” The more we obscure, distract and complicate the narrative, the more likely we are to lull Americans into a narcotic slumber from which they won’t wake until 2021 when it will be too late to stop him.

The Haven: You’re a real bastard. You know that?

Source: Just doing my job. Long live the Drumpf resistance!

The Haven didn’t take our source at his word. We verified the story from two other sources. Their response was, “do you honestly think we would confirm or deny that?” This, we learned months ago, is White House code for, “Of course it’s true. Did you really need to ask?”

“We call it ‘narcotic dissembling.’ The more we obscure, distract and complicate the narrative, the more likely we are to lull Americans into a narcotic slumber from which they won’t wake until 2021 when it will be too late to stop him.”

To summarize this complex narrative:

Some White House staff members are covertly “resisting” by cleaning up Drumpf’s mess, which seems to be similar to the mess left at the end of every day by the monkeys at the zoo.
Rosenstein attended a meeting where members of the Justice Department discussed recording Drumpf in case they needed to invoke the 25th Amendment. His precise role, and what he said remain unclear.
Drumpf knew about that meeting the same day it occurred.
The White House deliberately leaked both stories as a media anesthetic to numb Americans before Drumpf performed radical staff surgery (i.e., firing Rosenstein and sending staff members to a metaphorical firing squad).[1]

[1]: Which Drumpf believes is a real firing squad.