White Jesus
(Or White “hay-SOOS” if you is Spanish)
For some reason we’ve had films on the telly about Jesus.
1st Person: It’s because it’s….
Me: I know! When we talk about Jesus we often talk about him being portrayed as a White man in films.
1st Person: I don’t.
Me: Neither do I. Although, in slight defence of these films…
1st Person: Ooo, “in slight defence.” Someone’s sounding a bit white supremacistey.
Me: Mmm. As I was saying, in slight defence of these films, the Jesus story is set in the Middle East, and in the films I’ve seen Jesus, is usually dark enough to be from that region. It’s the Middle East, not Africa, so Jesus wouldn’t be say, Black like me.
1st Person: True, according to what you say Jesus wouldn’t be Black.
Me: Mmm, slightly racist. Anyway, If he were, like, say Scottish White….
1st Person: Scottish White?
Me: Yes, Scottish White:
1st Person: Got you now.
Me: If he were portrayed as being white white, then that would be silly. I’ve not seen a blond Jesus, which would be pushing it.
1st Person: Not seen a blond Jesus?
Me: Yep, that’s pushing it.
1st Person: What about the blue eyes thing? Blue eyes, in that region? Really?
Me: Well, the following dramatisation might explain that:
1st Judean: What’s up?
2nd Judean: Dude says he’s the Son of God.
1st Judean: How? Yeah, ok, he’s a handsome bloke, but he don’t look that much different to the rest of us.
2nd Judean: Dude. Check out his eyes. They’re blue!
1st Judean: Messiah!
Me: Besides, some Jews have blue eyes.
1st Person: Wait! Jesus was Jewish?!?
Me: Great. Now I have to start all over again.
Epilogue
1st Person: Eh, did you see on the news that company that sells ethnically-diverse Christmas decorations?
Me: Not sure I wanna see Black people hanging from trees.
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