Whoever Invented the Open-space Office Needs to Be Fined
Yes. I said that. For putting me through torture.
I’m not interested in knowing what the front-end dudes did over the last weekend, sharing a table for 6+ hours is not ideal for me, and sitting next to my manager is nerve-wracking.
I appreciate my team members, really I do, but their jokes and puns suck sometimes, and the exaggerated compliments every time someone walks past our shared table is over-the-top cringe. The fake laughing/smiling is super tiring for me, I can feel my face muscles going numb.
Having a meeting on Teams while in the office is really discomforting and distracting, the echoes from the other laptops are not music to my ears, hearing the product manager on my headphones AND across the table is totally pointless. By the way, the data guy lost his headphones and he hasn’t replaced them for over a month now, and a few other hard-working colleagues prefer their computer speakers over headphones — It’s their “thing” — so I can hear my shaky, not-so-pleasant voice from different sides of the office at the same time. Torture.
And that one “focus room” or the “timeout cube” upstairs doesn’t make any difference. I mean, that one PM always wants to “focus” at the same time as me, those two finance dudes would also like to focus… with some Naira Marley as their background music, ON MAX VOLUME; and on those very few lucky days when it’s empty, that’s the perfect time and place for the two manager-besties to chill and discuss who sounded smarter in the last managerial meeting, who was louder, who snubbed who, and analyse the mind of the co-founders.
The fancy pods help escape the tyranny of the open office on some very rare occasions, but it would help a whole lot if it was sound-proof and not located in the same space I’m trying to escape from. Also, I’m claustrophobic and I have long legs. So the Pod never really helps. The passageway with fancy light bulbs, artsy paintings and bright coloured sofas would have been a better option for me but it's too open. I still feel watched. And don’t you dare suggest the reception.
I hate when I’m leaving the office and everyone sees me. Unlike some of my colleagues, staying beyond the closing time is not my life’s motto; at 4:45 pm, my laptop is packed and I’m already heading out. I feel bad when I’m leaving the office and every other person still has their face fixed on their computers, even when it's the right time to leave. I hate it.
I appreciate my team and the people in general, but I need my space; or at least a form of it. My only solitude and fortress is the restroom and right now I’m on the verge of being tagged “The Loo girl” because of the number of times I visit the restroom in a day.
Although remote work has come to my rescue and this wallflower is grateful: still, we employee peasants have to fuel the office’s sense of purpose… so they came up with “Hybrid work” (and I can empathise with that because paying for those buildings is not an easy feat, even worse when workers are not showing up in the buildings right?), which is not so bad because I’d also want to take mirror selfies sometimes and video my feet as I walk into my fancy office.
But I desperately need to have some peace and quiet, some serenity, privacy after a 3hour long meeting; without feeling awkward or labelled as “Anti-social” (which I am but… whatever). This is not me advocating for the cubicle, hell no — but the open office is hell for people like me. I know I risk sounding like a “lazy millennial” or a “self-centred zoomer”, and maybe I am both of these things but every passing minute I spend at any of your inventions is anxiety-ridden torture for me. Do I have a solution for this? nope, I don’t. That’s your job.
Sincerely angry,
Human.
