Who’s Searching For Me? Probably Famous Authors
I’m a hot item, according to Medium.com stats. That’s right, people know me.
I’ve been writing on Medium for a bit and historically not many people view, let alone read my posts. Are they good? Usually not. However, according to the “Referrers” thingy on my stats page, the internet is presently abuzz about my innate talent to write bizarre things.
Recently I wrote “Rappers Who Were Cut From That Mitsubishi Commercial”, a hastily conceived, caffeine induced heap of detritus where a made up rapper recorded his own version of a commercial I’ve seen way too often.
I even included an audio version of me rapping to a fresh beat! And guess what? The internet went absolutely bonkers!
84 views is essentially most of the internet. It’s likely that a major celebrity, possibly even Antonio Banderas, took much delight in browsing through my whimsical tale.
I drilled down even further, as Medium provides some very sophisticated analytical tools to measure where viewers are coming from. Here’s the part where the breath that sustains me was unwillingly vacuumed from my chest cavity:
I’m freaking out right now! 45 people used Google.com, the #1 search engine in the southeastern quadrant of Portland, Oregon, to seek out my unique take on topics that don’t interest actual living creatures.
People, probably well-known authors looking for fresh talent whilst sitting in a local coffee shop wearing futuristic glasses that zoom into the computer screens of patrons having a scone, working on their groundbreaking novels, want to become familiar with my work? MY WORK?!
(those authors who used Bing and Yahoo search can just get the heck outta here this instant. I don’t know what the terms “email/IM/Direct” mean or I’d expertly bash them too.)
Well, this next sentence, which has been a true labor of love and that I hope will really impress those next-big-thing-seeker-outters, is for the 45 ultra famous authors who specifically typed in my name to a computer because they’d heard about my story telling skills:
“Julia,” said the Donkey Prince, “you make me do the happy dance.”
I look forward to hearing from at least 45 of you very soon.
Johnathan Foster is a human person who doesn’t have time for drama. That sash that he wears around his neck to all the hippest parties is actually just a moldy sock he stole from a second hand store which only sells baseball caps that in no way resemble real baseball caps but do encapsulate the moldy sock lifestyle he hopes to one day achieve.
