Why Can’t I Meet a Nice 1940s Physicist Working on the Manhattan Project?

I’m reaching a critical mass… of thirst.

sarah james
Jul 21, 2017 · 3 min read

Dating in Los Angeles. Am I right, ladies?! Being single in this town is rough. Average looking dudes think they deserve to date models, EVERYONE is in the industry, and not a single guy on Tinder is a 1940s Physicist Working on the Manhattan Project.

J. Robert Oppenheimer was super smart but also conflicted and troubled (in a sexy way)

I don’t think I’m asking for too much from men. I don’t need promises of commitment or over-the-top romantic gestures. All I’m looking for is a guy with charm, a sense of humor, and enough intelligence to participate in a top-secret Army operation that would change the world forever.

Yet every guy I meet only wants to talk about the webseries they’re making. Hellooooo, half the species? It’s all women calling and we want to say: A webseries is not nearly as cool as unlocking the power of the nucleus!!

Metallurgist Eric Jette, mathematician Charles Critchfield, and Oppenheimer would just hang out and smoke. Do you think they ever kissed?

It’s a cliche, but every 1940s Physicist Working on the Manhattan Project I meet is married or gay (or both!) Some of my friends have met incredible 1940s Physicists Working on the Manhattan Project, but they met in high school or college.

Are men these days just scared of being a 1940s Physicist Working on the Manhattan Project? Sure, “the gadget” required late nights, early mornings, and the constant threat of accidental radiation poisoning. Not to mention the guilt that weighed heavily on their souls after they realized that in the name of progress they’d opened a Pandora’s Box that could never be shut.

Ernest Lawrence can turn my dial ANY DAY. (the one in the middle is a chemist which is why he’s weird looking)

Sometimes, in my down moments, I get discouraged and think maybe I missed my chance to meet a 1940 Physicist Working on the Manhattan Project. Maybe I’m too old now, too set in my ways.

But maybe I’m just picky because I KNOW the perfect 1940s Physicist Working on the Manhattan Project is out there, waiting for me.

I just have to hope he doesn’t get in a plutonium criticality accident first.

Honestly I would have fucked Richard Feynman in any decade.

Sarah James lives in Los Angeles and tweets at cryingbaseball. She actually highlighted parts of her copy of “Surely You’re Joking, Mr. Feynman!”

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sarah james

Written by

sarah is an editor at slackjaw. her writing has appeared in reductress, splitsider, the toast, and more. thesarahjames.com

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