Why Everyone Needs Guinea Pigs

As if cuteness weren’t reason enough

Image by violetta from Pixabay

I have no shame in saying that I’m the guinea pig version of the crazy cat lady. While I realize that not everyone shares my guinea pig obsession, I’m here to convince you why you too should have some of these little balls of adorableness.

Build tolerance to dirtiness

The modern world is far too fixated on cleanliness and antibacterial everything. It’s time to break free and embrace a little dirtiness. Guinea pigs are like miniature poop factories. When they run around, and especially when they’re sticking their faces out of their cage begging for food, they kick up poop pellets. The more excited they are, the more the poop is flying. It’s a great way to learn to be more tolerant, because there’s zero possibility of the poop factory getting shut down by a workers’ strike.

Compost diversion

If you would normally toss things like carrot tops, celery leaves, or bell pepper cores in your garbage or compost, the guinea pigs would love if you gave it to them instead. Waste reduction, plus a cost effective way to feed them!

Lawn mowing

These little guys are lean, mean, grass-eating machines. If you have enough of them, your whole lawn is taken care of, with no need to pay the neighbour’s teenager who has zero enthusiasm for the task.

Fertilizer

You can take advantage of the steady poop factory output for a no-stink (really!) manure. I much prefer it for my little planter garden than those chicken manure pellets that stink to high heaven.

Wakeup calls

Want to get up at 6am to get ready for work? Get the guinea pigs used to getting vegetables at 6am. Without fail, if you roll over in bed at 6:02, that will set off a loud chorus of squeaking to make sure you get your butt up and deliver on those vegetables.

Fridge protection system

Are you worried that your teenager is going to sneak something from the fridge that’s supposed to be saved for a specific purpose? Put the item behind one of those plastic produce bags you get from the grocery store. The slightest rustle and the guinea pigs will go wild, thinking it’s veggie time for them. Meanwhile, you can catch your little one red-handed.

Hair cutting services

Not every guinea pig will do this for you, but some special piggies are experienced barbers. Normally these designer piggies will spend their time trimming other guinea pigs’ hair, but they’re not overly fussy, and will happily take on human haircutting duties. The level of skill depends on the individual pig, but in my experience they’re pretty talented and manage a nice, even ‘do.

They’re cute!

Unless you’re a completely hard-hearted person, in which case you probably wouldn’t have made it this far, guinea pigs are adorable. They’re soft and cuddly and have the linguistic range to let you know exactly what they want.

If you’re not convinced by now, then just imagine me shaking my head and muttering “your loss”. 😉