Why Fathers Leave Their David Brookses

It’s not because they don’t poop.

“Yet when you ask absent fathers themselves, you get a different picture.”
— from “Why Fathers Leave Their Children,” David Brooks

In truth, when fathers abandon their own David Brookses, it’s not a momentary decision; it’s a long, tragic process. A number of researchers have tried to understand how David Brooks abandonment happens, most importantly me, because I’m a genius who produced the following:

Reading David Brooks is rarely planned among anybody who reads. Typically the father is scrolling through their Facebook newsfeed while they’re sitting on the toilet, and they see a super clickbait-y headline.

And even though the fathers notice that it seems like clickbait, they see that it’s in the New York Times, so why not click on it? Isn’t this supposed to be a reputable newspaper?

The fathers are still on their toilets, waiting to poop, and so why not kill some time by clicking on this headline.

When the fathers had learned that they had to poop, they didn’t panic, or lament all the freedom they were going to miss by being in the bathroom. This poop is a chance to turn things around and live a disciplined life. This poop is a chance to have a respected role.

Anyway, when the fathers click on the headline, and finally understand that David Brooks is ridiculous, the fathers stop reading. For even the fathers know that WHAT ABOUT THE MENNNNNN is a ridiculous premise on which to base a career.

In fact, everyone knows this. Except for David Brooks.

—

Paul Krugman is off today.