Why Hasn’t Hillary Apologized For Her Role in Losing the Election With An Ice Cream Social?

The Democratic party needs to lick its wounds, and some soft serve.

Liberals can complain all they want about the unfairness of the Electoral College, but the truth remains that Hillary Clinton should be taking full responsibility for losing the 2016 Election. In fact, it is critical to the future of the Democratic party that Mrs. Clinton apologize by throwing an ice cream social — WITH all the fixin’s.

Pictured: Just a disappointed liberal, trying to get by.

Hillary’s claim that the FBI’s decision to re-open publicly its investigation into her emails cost her the election is a cop-out. The Clinton campaign was fundamentally flawed from the beginning, and only way to address it is for Hillary to rent us all a soft-serve machine offering the flavors of chocolate, vanilla, and twist.

It’s essential for Hillary to acknowledge that the DNC’s treatment of Bernie Sanders cast a dark shadow over her candidacy, and arrange a “toppings buffet” of syrups, candies, nuts, and maraschino cherries. And if she really wants the party to heal, she’ll preferably put at least one container of each topping on both sides of the table, to keep the line moving.

“I know that I messed up,” are words that Democrats need to hear Hillary say, followed immediately by “Ice cream sundaes on me, everybody!”

Pointing fingers and laying the blame elsewhere do nothing to address the Democratic party’s failure to reach blue collar voters OR the lack of sweet sweet ice cream in my tummy!

And the Democratic party shouldn’t even think about moving forward united in 2020 unless Hillary gets us full-sized spoons. None of those fucking little spoons like we had when Gore lost. Fuck those.

Hillary’s loss was hard to take, but an ice cream social would go a long way to making Democrats say once again “You know, that Hillary’s actually okay.” And then another Democrat responds “Yeah, she even got fruit pops for Shayna, who’s lactose intolerant.” And then Shayna walks by licking a banana fruit pop and waves cheerily but everyone ignores her because she’s so annoying.

It’s not unreasonable to expect the most from those who aspire to the highest office in the land. If Hillary wants to win back our trust and support, she better get rainbow sprinkles.

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