Why I Have Applied to Join NATO
The benefits are great, the membership dues are doable, and they give away amazing tote bags at events.
I’m not big on joining clubs, but if Finland and Sweden can apply to join the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO), why can’t I?
It makes a lot of sense to become NATO’s 31st member. Here are three good reasons why you should consider joining too.
- If you get attacked by a hostile party, NATO’s member countries are duty-bound to come to your aid. Since I live in America, that’s a big benefit. Whether it’s a mugger, a school shooter, a road-enraged driver, a gun-toting evangelist, or a next-door neighbor pissed about paying taxes, your attacker will have to get through some formidable NATO firepower before reaching you.
- You fly first class to their annual summits. These shindigs are awesome. As well as hobnobbing with world leaders you visit some cool places because the summits must take place in a NATO member country. This year the party is in Madrid, Spain. I can’t wait to have a few brews with Boris Johnson and find out whether that comatose Yorkshire Terrier on his head is real.
- You can display the NATO flag. Don’t underestimate the cache of this neat banner. Burglars will think twice about targeting a house with the famous blue compass flapping majestically on the front lawn. The emblem also adds value to your house — useful insurance against the bursting of the real estate bubble.
Naturally, becoming a member is not a shoo-in. However, any upstanding citizen should be able to comply with the entry requirements. For example, you must agree to spend 2% of your Gross Domestic Product on defense. I plan to buy a boatload of military surplus duds and a US Army can opener this year so this rule is a breeze. You’re also expected to uphold democracy, tolerate diversity, and resolve conflicts peacefully. I’ve no problem with these provisos, although I can see why some Americans might be a tad leery of the first two.
When I’m finally welcomed into the fold, what will I do if Russia attacks a member country and I’m expected to pitch in with the military response? No problemo. I’ll pop into my local gun store and send the victim country a goodie bag of assorted assault weapons.
Step aside Finland and Sweden — I’m comin’ through!
