SATIRE
Why We Musn’t Feed Poor Children
They have to learn their lesson
Over the past week or so, the concept of giving free lunches to underprivileged children has been a tremendous source of controversy in the United Kingdom.
It’s an ongoing issue though, not just in the land of the once-great British empire, but indeed all over the world.
But why should it be our problem to feed these kids? How is it our fault if somebody else’s unwashed offspring are too poor to eat? It’s about time somebody taught these kids a lesson. Stop being so damn poor or neglected!
Let’s Start With The Poor
According to the Social Metrics Commission, 4.6 million children in the UK are living in poverty. That is 4.6 million children who were too stupid to be born with rich parents. Instead, they decided to be born into poor families.
There are plenty of members of the public who think that decision should be rewarded with a free lunch over the half-term holidays. You've got to be kidding me.
Fortunately, the brave and wise members of our parliament voted that down. We have to get our priorities straight of course. After all, our members of parliament have to somehow find a way to survive on their basic starting salary of just £81,932 ($106,719) plus expenses. Why can’t other people afford to survive?
Many MPs, you should know, have to get by with claiming less than £100,000 ($130,233) in expenses a year. One MP had to manage with spending only £700 ($911) of taxpayer’s money for a nights stay in a hotel, a complete tragedy.
How on earth can we continue to fund our brave politician's second homes and expensive lunches if we are spending precious pounds on sandwiches for the poverty-stricken?
I don’t just blame the selfish children though, I also point my finger at the parents. I am most angry at the parents who complain that they are working two jobs and can barely afford food, utilities, rent, child care and clothing for their kids.
If they are that serious about changing their lives then why do they not simply go back in time and decide not to have children in the first place? Why do they not work 4 jobs? The answer is simple, laziness.
In the old days, children worked hard in coal mines and factories to earn their food. The youth of today are simply too bone idle to sweep a chimney for a few pennies.
The Neglected Youth
Now, these little punks are the ones that annoy me the most. I’m talking about the children who are experiencers of abuse and neglect. Here, we focus on the victims of the alcoholics, the drug abusers and the straight-up cruel.
Ask yourself a question, why would anybody want parents like this? I wouldn’t, that’s for damn sure. Instead, I decided to have good parents and I refuse to spend my hard-earned cash on children who have instead decided to live with parents who couldn’t care less whether they ate or not.
So, I have decided that these bruised and skinny little rascals should not eat at all. This will teach them a valuable lesson in life. Next time, they will choose to have better parents and maybe then, they'll get to eat.
This is a win-win situation for our country and any other that chooses to follow our example.
Not only will the children of the poor and abusive learn a very valuable lesson, but our country will benefit financially. We will have more money to spend on war. The billion-dollar businesses will be able to continue to pay almost no tax. Junk food sales will soar as it’s cheap and non-nutritious content will be the only food that these families can afford.
This is my dream. Let’s make it a reality.
