NEWS FROM THE LORD
Will Smith to be exchanged
COMING SOON
Will Smith is to be replaced as Himself by Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson. Nearly three months after the “Slap heard ‘round the world,” this change is being negotiated with Will, Dwayne, and the Lord. According to sources, they are close to reaching a mega-million dollar deal.
“I’m ecstatic,” said Dwayne, adding, “I’ve always been a big fan of Jada and can’t wait to wake up next to her in the morning. I’ve always liked the He/She/Him/Her/Ey/Em/They/Them children and look forward to being a big part of their lives.”
A less sanguine Will was unavailable for comment as his whereabouts were unknown. The Lord refused to comment directly, but an angel aide was willing to go on record, “We believe this will be best for all parties involved, Jada needs somebody to help shave the back of her head, and the children could use some guidance, both in picking out their dresses and general hygiene as well.”
When pressed as to why the Lord agreed to make this unusual change, the Angel spokesperson would only add, “ The Lord simply feels that it will be best for all parties, and besides, have you seen what a shit show life on earth is right now? He’s a very busy Lord who wants to move on to bigger issues.”
Jada had no comment but was seen purchasing a new set of bedsheets for the further embodiment of Will, Dwayne, The Rock, whatever.
