Winnie the Coup and the Elongated Muskrat Bulldoze the Gubment
a fake children’s story I made up off the top of my head
Once upon a time, there was an orange creature named Winnie the Coup and he had what he thought was a friend, the Elongated Muskrat. Muskrat had a lot of toys and Winnie the Coup was sorta jealous.
One day, the Muskrat came to Coup and said, “Hey, I wanna make you king, how about it?”
Coup was elated. Coup had played at being president before but that was a lot of work. Being king sounded fun, but Coup worried it might be more work. So Coup said, “Muskrat, I like that idea very much, but I’m afraid there will be too much work as king. When I played at being president, there were all these meetings and paperwork and it was annoying.”
Muskrat replied, in his smoothed tone, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of all the work. You’ll just enjoy being king. Don’t worry at all; I’ll take care of everything.”
Winnie the Coup was very excited, what fun he thought: I’ll be king and ol’ Muskrat here will take on all the work! What a sucker Muskrat is thought Winnie the Coup.
But Muskrat had a plan. Over his special K, he schemed and plotted. Muskrat would make sure Winnie the Coup became king, but Elongated Muskrat would make sure he kept the power for himself. And here’s how his plan went.
Muskrat was very into nuts. And it just so happened that in the Enchanted Forest, all the animals would put their nuts into piles that had the animal they wanted as president’s name on the pile. But Muskrat had more nuts than any of the other animals in the forest.
So Muskrat just made sure that Winnie the Coup’s pile was bigger, and the first part of his plan was a roaring success. None of the other animals even looked too closely at the piles, and Winnie the Coup was elected.
But Coup was president again, not king like Muskrat had promised. So Winnie the Coup pulled Elongated Muskrat aside and said, “Hey, I am supposed to be king, that’s what you promised me!”
Muskrat replied, “Oh, you will be, just you wait until I get my mini muskrats to work on the forest.”
Coup wasn’t sure what that meant, but if it made him king, he was ok with it.
The day came for the swearing into office, and Winnie the Coup treated it like his coronation. You see, Winnie the Coup hadn’t been willing to leave office as president, and now as king he wouldn’t have to. Being king forever sounded just right to him.
Elongated Muskrat set to work turning president Coup into King Coup.
He brought his mini muskrats and they started going from place to place, tearing apart anything that might make Winnie the Coup more president than king.
First, Muskrat wanted to ruin all the trees and bushes that anyone who had ever been mean to him lived or worked in. He went with his mini muskrats and tore out the wires and phones everyone who ran things used to run things. He shredded their files after first peeking inside, he burned their branches and threw them out into the dirt.
Some of the animals cried out, “We were using those!” and, “But wait, you can’t do that!” But Elongated Muskrat and his mini muskrats kept at it and kept tearing all the presidenty things apart.
Muskrat half expected the forest council to stop him, to throw themselves in front of him and his mini muskrats, but they didn’t. And that was important for Muskrat’s plan’s second part.
Muskrat wheeled around and smacked the forest council leaders in the face. They were shocked, no one had ever done that to the Enchanted Forest council before. People had heard of other forests having their councils smacked, or even run out of the forest entirely, but in this Enchanted Forest it had never happened.
Muskrat saw that the council members were taken aback, and he smiled. Never again would Elongated Muskrat need to listen to the droning on and on of the forest council and all their rules and pesky complaints. Muskrat’s plan to make Winnie the Coup into a king was going along swimmingly.
Sure the birds collided more than they used to, and the berries that were poisonous were mixed in with the berries that were good now, but Elongate Muskrat and his mini muskrats kept at it. They were making a kingdom for the future.
Meanwhile, Winnie the Coup was happy as can be. He rode around on his pet bird to watch the other animals playing their games. He even had his driver drive him around at a big race some of the other animals ran. He felt very fancy. He felt king-like.
Yes, there was the time that Elongated Muskrat’s kid had told Winnie the Coup he wasn’t really president and should shut up. But Winnie the Coup figured he wasn’t really president; he was gonna be king! So he didn’t worry about what Muskrat’s kid said.
Elongate Muskrat suggested Winnie the Coup send out some of the animals that worked for them to go talk with animals in other forests, and Winnie the Coup liked that idea. He sent them out and these animals he sent told the other animals in all the other forests they were all on their own, and even if they’d been friends with the Enchanted Forest before, the other forests would have to sort out their problems without any help from the Enchanted Forest.
The other animals in the other forests were hurt, and disappointed to hear that their old friends in the Enchanted Forest weren’t going to be their friends anymore.
Winnie the Coup figured that was just fine, he didn’t want them as friends anyway, since he was going to be king of the Enchanted Forest anyway, and that was just what he wanted anyway.
One day, after Elongated Muskrat had taken apart all the things that made the president a president and not a king, Muskrat came to Winnie the Coup. The next part of Muskrat’s plan had to happen. “We gotta get these animals in the forest council to shut up and just cheer us on, cheer on their king.”
Winnie the Coup said, excitedly, “Yes, get rid of all the ones who don’t like me! Only my friends on the council.”
Muskrat smiled knowingly and sent his mini muskrats to get the bigger muskrats and see that it was done.
The animals in the council, some of them, shrieked and and complained. “You can’t do that,” they said, and, “Wait, but I belong here!”
Elongated muskrat smiled as the bigger muskrats took the council members who weren’t his friends and carried them off.
To those that remained, his friends, he said, “Don’t worry, we’re bringing them to an island where they’ll be happy and safe. It is a beautiful island, with a great view of a beautiful bay.”
His friends on the council, the few remaining members of the council, thought that was nice, and after all, they were sure that their friends Elongated Muskrat and Winnie the Coup would take such good care of them if they’d sent the animals that used to be on the council that hadn’t been Muskrat and Coup’s friends to such a nice island.
Winnie the Coup was so happy, he was almost king.
He went to the nine wise owls and asked them if they wanted to do a whole coronation with the nine of them anointing Winnie the Coup as king.
But he was not to get the eager “yes” he expected from the nine wise owls. Four of them stayed silent and the other five spoke up as one voice. “Oh no,” they said, “Winnie the Coup, we will not be anointing you king.”
Coup was shocked, and angry. “Why not,” Winnie the Coup demanded, “Why won’t you nine owls anoint me as your king?!”
The five owls spoke calmly, “Going forward there will only be the five of us, the other four are going to the…island.” They looked deep into Winnie the Coup’s eyes, “And as for anointing a king we will, eventually. But not you Coup, not you.”
Winnie the Coup was turning red he was so angry. He stormed in to see Elongated Muskrat.
“What is this the wise owls are saying!? They say they won’t anoint me king?!?”
Elongated Muskrat turned slowly toward Winnie, “No, no they will not be anointing you king.”
Winnie the Coup interrupted, “But why not!??”
Muskrat spoke slowly as he wasn’t in a hurry, “You will never be king.”
Coup almost choked on the spot, “But you promised me!”
Muskrat looked blankly at Winnie the Coup who suddenly seemed older, more frail. “You have a choice. You can remain president for now, grow older and pass peacefully, or I can send you to the island, right now.”
Winnie the Coup was still in shock. Could his friend Muskrat really be serious? Could Muskrat really not be making him king?
“But who will be king?! Why have you been taking away all the things that make a president not a king if I am not to be king? Why send the forest council members who are not our friends away? Why send four of the nine wise owls to the island?”
Muskrat could not believe the question. “Who shall be king? Well. I should think I shall make a very fine king.”
Winnie the Coup could not believe it. Coup was so sad, he would not be king. He stood, still, in front of Elongated Muskrat and considered.
“So…I can still be president?”
“Yes, but I will keep doing the work, so you don’t have to,” Muskrat said dryly.
Winnie the Coup stood in thought. Maybe president without the work would not be so bad. But he so wanted to be king.
Elongated Muskrat stirred Winnie the Coup from his thought by speaking. “Or, you can go to the island, today. Right now.”
Winnie the Coup thought to himself, maybe the island wouldn’t be so bad. After all, people said it was beautiful and had great views of the beautiful bay.
As if Elongated Muskrat could read Winnie the Coup’s thoughts, Muskrat spoke, “And you do know that the island is not about being beautiful, nor does it all have views of the beautiful bay.”
Winnie the Coup’s blood started go boil. He had heard of things in other forests, rumors really, where some of the animals of the forest were moved off or buried as one animal became king or president for life. Coup now knew, the Enchanted Forest was now like those other forests of rumor and the island was not where he wanted to go. He wanted to be king.
“Now, Muskrat, look here. You said I would be king, and I expect you to make me full king!”
Muskrat gazed through Winnie the Coup, “I am disappointed, Winnie the Coup. I will tell the forest of your unexpected retirement with a heavy heart.”
With just a twitch of his head, Elongated Muskrat told the bigger muskrats to take Winnie the Coup by the arms.
“What? What are you doing?! Unhand me. I’m your future king!” Winnie the Coup declared.
“Don’t worry,” Muskrat spoke evenly, “They say the island is very beautiful.”
“No! I am to be king! Muskrat, you make me King, it was your promise!!!” Coup shouted.
Elongated Muskrat watched as his bigger muskrats dragged Coup away, “Regretfully, Coup, we will not have you with us anymore due to poor health.”
Winnie the Coup shook with anger, shouted himself hoarse. He could not pull away from the bigger muskrats. They would bring him to the island.
And thus ends the story, the story of Elongated Muskrat, Winnie the Coup and the animals of the Enchanted Forest.
Sadly, they did not live happily ever after.
© Copyright February 17, 2025, David August, all rights reserved davidaugust.com
David August is an award-winning actor, acting coach, writer, director, and producer. He plays a role in the movie Dependent’s Day, and after its theatrical run, it’s now out on Amazon (affiliate link). He has appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live on ABC, on the TV show Ghost Town, and many others. His artwork has been used and featured by multiple writers, filmmakers, theatre practitioners, and others to express visually. Off-screen, he has worked at ad agencies, start-ups, production companies, and major studios, helping them tell stories their customers and clients adore. He has guest lectured at USC’s Marshall School of Business about the Internet.
