Woman at Party Found to Be Two Horses in a Human Costume
Yesterday, a local woman dubbed “Daisy” by the townsfolk was found to be two horses in a human costume, revealed after the horses got into a fight.
“I nearly asked Daisy to leave the party when I first saw her,” said, Mrs. Harris, who, like most costume party hostesses, dislikes how people actually look. “I hate it when attendees show up without a costume. But Daisy won me over with her cheerful, happy-go-lucky self, laughing her way through life. I realize now that she wasn’t laughing, but whinnying.”
Guests at the party were enchanted by Daisy’s entrance. Onlookers described her as entering like a model from a shampoo commercial: her hair appearing to have a life of its own as it swished and swooshed as it pleased while Daisy trotted in.
“Daisy is such an artist,” said Ms. Kaylee, a guest who maintains that Daisy is not two horses, but a woman wearing a costume of two horses that are wearing a costume of a woman. “Like, her shoes are so quirky! They’re shaped like horseshoes. And like, she walks on fours all the time, which is such a great workout for the core AND soooo attention-grabbing. Name one horse with a sense for fashion and art. You can’t! Daisy must be a human!”
But it wasn’t just Daisy’s mannerisms that fooled the crowd into believing she was human. It was also the fact that she exclusively ate bales of hay.
“I always encourage everyone in our community to be vegan,” said Ms. White, a proud activist who balances her consumption of meat by telling others to stop eating it. “I respect Daisy’s choice to only eat hay. Is hay a vegetable? I don’t know. All I know is that she gave me the courage to dig deep into a helping of steak when I got home.”
Guests at the party insist that Daisy was very clever at pretending to be a human. Multiple interviewees reported accepting her as a human only after seeing a “stitched in China” tag sticking out of her left ear.
“It’s like, why does she never make eye contact with the person talking to her?” said Mr. Brown, an initial skeptic. “Why does she turn her ear towards them when they speak, I reasoned, almost as if her real eyes were to the sides of her head where the ear-holes should be? Made me wonder if she was a horse inside a human costume. But then I saw the tag sticking out of her ear reading “stitched in China” and realized she was hard of hearing after recent surgery on her ears.”
Daisy’s charade came to an end after the two horses inside got into a quarrel and separated. Most on-lookers applauded, thinking it to be the performance of a magic trick, but Farmer John, the local expert on horses, was not so easily fooled.
“Why are there two horses inside the stomach of a supposed vegetarian, I thought,” said Farmer John, bobbing a turnip up and down while trying not to move his lips so that it appeared the turnip was handling the interview. “I did some digging into Daisy’s history. I searched the numbers tattooed on Daisy’s arm in Google, only to discover that it wasn’t a tattoo but the barcode for a horse costume!”
A day later, the townsfolk are reeling from the shock that there may be horses living among them. Unfortunately, we were unable to reach Daisy for a comment, as the reporter we assigned to the interview opted instead to reveal themselves as a flock of seagulls, and flew away for the winter.
