Woman, Man, Snake, Apple
A story about a garden.
“We should see other people,” said Eve.
“There are no other people,” Adam shot back automatically, without lifting his eyes from the laptop. Eve said that about once a week.
“You’re tedious and annoying,” she added. “Of all the men out there I had to end up being stuck with you.”
Glued to the laptop, Adam said nonchalantly, “There are no other men.”
Eve huffed and puffed and finally muttered, “I’m going to see Serp. At least he understands me!”
And she walked away.
Adam didn’t bother to look up. He had a far bigger problem in life: His social media sucked. Bigtime. He had only one follower on every single platform. Some would look on the bright side: one follower is half the world. But he woke up depressed this morning and half the world just didn’t cut it.
“Sup?” asked Serp as he slithered down the tree.
“Life sucks,” replied Eve. “Adam’s at his computer again, yada yada social media, yada yada followers.”
“Ah, men” sighed Serp. “I mean, man.”
“Exactly,” agreed Eve.
“You should go shopping for some nice clothes,” suggested Serp. “Shopping does wonders for your complexion.”
“I wish I could,” cried Eve. “But there are no shops in the world.”
“Right, right,” mumbled Serp. He thought for a moment and then seemed to light up. “Hey, I know! Follow me.”
“Where are we going?” asked Eve, curious.
Serp smiled sneakily. “Don’t worry — just follow me.”
He slithered on the ground for about fifteen minutes, with Eve trailing behind, until they reached a rather pedestrian-looking tree.
“Why have you taken me to the Apple Tree?” asked Eve with a bit of trepidation.
“Honestly,” answered Serp, “I’ve been giving this a lot of thought recently and I’ve come to the conclusion that this whole No Apple bylaw is really quite outdated.”
“But, but — ” began Eve.
“I know, I know, lots of buts.” Serp wriggled his body dismissively. “But, come on, just get over it. Pick something from the Apple Tree. Who’s gonna care? I mean, there’s nobody around but you, I, and Adam.”
“Yeah, and he’s at his computer all the time.” Eve was warming up to the idea.
Soon she was warm enough.
“Adam, look what I’ve got!” cried Eve proudly, flaunting her pick.
Something in her voice made Adam raise his eyes from the keyboard and look at her. As soon as he saw what was in her hand, he jumped up in fear and shouted: “You picked an iPhone from the Forbidden Apple Tree?”
Eve was taken aback by his vehement response and all she could think of was repeating Serp’s words. “Who’s gonna care? There’s nobody around but you, I, and Serp.”
Comprehension dawned on Adam. “It was Serp’s idea, wasn’t it?”
Eve lowered her eyes to the ground and said nothing.
“Stupid, evil, interfering serpent! I’ve always hated that snake!”
The iPhone in Eve’s hand suddenly pinged. She was so startled by this, she dropped the device to the ground.
“Great, now it’s probably broken,” muttered Adam. Though afraid, he was also very curious, so he went and picked it up.
“Huh,” he said. “Looks like it’s still working.”
He glanced at the bright screen. Then, suddenly, he was scrutinizing it carefully. Finally, his face brightened.
“Oh. My. God,” Adam shouted.
“What? What?” cried Eve, no longer feeling any shame (which had been an unfamiliar, weird feeling anyway).
“I’ve got 4 new followers!” cried Adam gleefully.
“Oh, is that all?” Eve was visibly disappointed.
But Adam was unperturbed. “Don’t you see? This changes everything. Everything!”
As if to confirm this change a BIG VOICE sounded: “IDIOTS! THE ONE THING I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO DO!”
Eve stumbled. “It was Serp! It was Serp!”
BIG VOICE said: “STOP BLAMING THE FRIGGIN SNAKE!”
Adam coughed and was about to say something conciliatory but BIG VOICE stopped him cold.
“ENOUGH! GET OUT OF MY GARDEN!”
“But — ” began Eve.
“OUT!” repeated BIG VOICE.
The two looked at each other, and then at the matching set of rolling luggage that had just appeared in front of them. Each grabbed a suitcase and they started walking. From behind them they heard BIG VOICE’s final command:
“LEAVE THE iPHONE!”
