Women Drivers!
Historically people, OK, mainly men, have given women grief for the way they drive. Some of the grief is based on stuff that is simply made up, whilst other grief doesn’t factor in things like women’s spatial awareness being womanly, and men’s spatial awareness being manly. Oh, and the minor detail that cars were originally designed for men.
1st Person: You sure women aren’t worser drivers than men?
Me: “Worsier.” Women are perfectly competent drivers. My word is bond. However, see here for evidence:
1st Person: I’m not reading that.
And therein lies the problem.
So, it’s 2023. Is it not time for some new stuff to be made up about women drivers? However, this time, based on (music) video evidence?
1. Women Drivers Will Recklessly Drive Non Stop Rather Than Stop Driving
[after the video]
Police Officer: ….You were driving recklessly.
Woman Driver: Could you be more specific please officer?
Police Officer: You were driving all over the road, over the speed limit. You caused crashes and mayhem.
Woman Driver: Is that all?
Police Officer: Plus you were littering.
Woman Driver: I stopped driving didn’t I?
Police Officer: Not by choice madam.
2. Women Drivers Will Show Off When Driving To A Car Rally
1st Passenger: I do love cruising down the autobahn on the way to a car rally. Hopefully this time they’ll be other cars there.
2nd Passenger: Word.
1st Passenger: We are gonna cruise down the autobahn on the way to the car rally aren’t we?
Driver: Actually, we’re not taking the autobahn, but we’ll still be cruising.
1st Passenger: Wait! We’re on the autobahn! You said no autobahn?
Driver: On a recent trip to the UK I discovered that our federal controlled-access highway system is called a motorway. So today we cruise down the motorway! Hurrah!
3rd Passenger: Oh you jolly japester!
2nd Passenger: Nice arse.
1st Passenger: Danke Schön
3. Women Drivers Will Threaten Violence When They’ve Driven To A Shipping Container Port
[before the video]
Man: ….Why are you threatening me with violence?
Woman Driver: How am I threatening you with violence?
Man: You threatened to shoot me!
Woman Driver: Oh, that’s just talk.
Man: So, you haven’t got a gun then?
Woman Driver: No, I haven’t got, a gun. I’ve got, two guns. Now hand over that note.
[grabs note]
Woman Driver [reading note]: ….Penmanship is shocking, “Allen in container?!?”
4. Women Drivers Do Not Know What A Shortcut Is
1st Passenger: Driver, this is the bus to ASDA’s isn’t it?
Woman Driver: Yes.
1st Passenger: You sure this is the bus to ASDA’s supermarket?
Woman Driver: Yes, I’m the bus to ASDA’s. It’s a shortcut.
2nd Passenger: We’ve never been this way before.
Woman Driver: Shortcut’s new.
1st Passenger: Driver, I don’t wanna nag, but it looks like we’re on the Moon.
Woman Driver: Don’t worry, I’ll get you to ASDA’s. Trust me though, five or so years from now, NASA will think getting women on the Moon is the shit.
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