Wrong Number Texts

Why won’t anyone play with me?

Every now and then I get a gift: a text from a number I don’t recognize. Probably a good number of these are attempts at pig-butchering, but not all.

Either way, each is an opportunity to play.

Here are a few I’ve saved over the years…

Hello?

In texting and instant messaging, if there’s one thing that bugs me the most, it’s the pointless “hello?” ping. It’s loaded with obligation — essentially saying “hey, I want you to talk to me, but I don’t want to do any of the work.”

Still… it’s bait I can’t resist.

To this day, I still haven’t seen Earl.

And, of course, how could I respect myself if I didn’t pull out this obvious one…

For the record, I only sell these to people who really need them.

Sometimes a simple “hey!” gets deep quickly…

Was that not a reasonable question?

Always be Ready to Help Out a Friend

The fun ones start with a plan already in motion…

Everyone knows corn is a versatile medium. Right??

This next one starts with a pushy unknown texter making three mistakes in one shot:

1. Clearly misspelled my name.
2. Assumed that I would go shopping. I hate shopping.
3. Implied that 9pm is still “afternoon.” Alaska much?

Alas, we did not end up going shopping.

The Old “What Are You Doing Now” Trick Question

Set me up. Please.

I mean… she asked.

I have to wonder: what kind of response did they expect?

I feel like sometimes my magnanimity goes underappreciated.

I Love a Challenge

This next one was quite the oddity — a spam attack of pictures followed by an unexpected question.

Fortunately, I had the answer.

They say art is a view into the soul. Beware.

But ok, sure, when the questions are easy… what about a hard one?

The challenge: a list of requirements straight out of the blue…

Hmm… tricky…

Challenge accepted!

It was either this or my wife’s beef chili.

Here’s the link for those that agree that this is a reasonable suggestion: http://www.twice-cooked.com/2014/09/28/klingon-gagh/

Invitations

When opportunity knocks, you open the door.

Always plan for cleanup.

I really thought I had this one on the hook… why won’t anyone play with me?!?!

Credit Where Credit is Due

When someone compliments you on the weather, remember to say thank you.

Will the pet shop open? We’ll never know…

The Long Tail

Finally, this last one lit a fire that wouldn’t go out.

My only regret was my spelling and grammar. Gimme a break, that’s a lotta typing on a phone!

In conclusion, I would just like to ask a simple favor.

Text me?