I’ll be honest. It was kinda funny the first time around, but you’ve gone too damn far. My croissant has fallen.
You of all people know how I feel about croissants. We have shared many conversations specifically about our favorite types of bread, and you have heard me repeatedly argue that croissants are superior to your bread of choice — the dumb bagel. These talks started off as lighthearted banter between roommates, but they soon turned weirdly tense.
I wondered, did I make a mistake moving in with you? Hadn’t our mutuals mentioned something about you and a “thing” you had, because your great-grandpa or whoever was a baker in France who never passed on the tall, white hat to you?
I have to side with your ancestor on this one. The croissant is fluffy, flaky, and buttery. The bagel (AKA sad donut) is hard, chewy, and stupid. Bread can be so good — why make it a bagel?
I know I’ve offended you, because you’ve upped your attempts to startle me into dropping my croissant as I round the corner. You’ve gone from a simple “AHH” jump scare to sucker-punching me in the gut. I doubled…
