6 Differences Between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
Do you think your relationship with your significant other is healthy? Are you sure? If not then I know you have doubts about it and that means you’re in deep trouble.
However, your fate smiles at you today; This post will help you figure out whether your relationship is healthy or not. This way, if you find that it’s unhealthy then you can take action in order to make it healthy, or if you think that’s not possible — you can opt to end it and resolve to find a better one.
I know that’s not easy as buying a pair of shoes, but if you want to be genuinely happy, then you’ll have to go through that painful process.
How do you know the difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship, anyway?
Let me start by saying healthy relationships involve sincerity while unhealthy relationships involve manipulation.
Do you believe the person you love truly loves you back? I suggest before even giving a nod to get involved in a serious relationship, it would be wise to analyze whether the one you’re getting into is really worthwhile. He who says he loves you can even be a victim of his own feelings or desires. For all you know, he might be confused with his own feelings. So, I say it’s wise to do a thorough analysis of the relationship before even making a big decision in this super-sensitive area of your life.
Now, let’s look at the differences…
1. Real giving vs. giving to get
I know without a tinge of a doubt that a healthy relationship gives without expecting anything in return. It freely gives. You can aptly call this a true gift of love. In this kind of relationship, trust is the main force in operation. In this relationship, by hook or by crook you got each other’s back.
Your best interest together with your partner’s is always at the forefront. If what you have is true love, both of you are willing to say to the other, “I’ve got you covered.” You totally trust each other. You can relax and not worry about the relationship. You are sure your partner will never betray you.
On the contrary, an unhealthy relationship rarely gives without expecting a return on its investment; there’s always a price to pay for something that’s given. From personal experience, I know that when a sick relationship gives, it expects a boomerang of benefits.
2. Accepting vs. wanting to change the partner
A healthy relationship involves accepting the other person wholeheartedly. I noticed months after I was swept off my feet by my wife’s beauty, I gradually matured as a lover. I found myself accepting her eccentricities (although I admit, it was a turtle-slow process.) I worked hard to discover her real self, so I could love her in an all-encompassing way.
An unhealthy relationship, in contrast, seeks to change the opposite end of the relationship. It wants the other person to conform to his wants and needs. It is the kind of relationship where control is the main purpose. This unwell union controls in order to get the satisfaction it seeks.
3. Genuine desire vs. pushing your partner
In college, I was a victim of this kind of relationship. I had a girlfriend who was a master pusher. She was an expert in pushing me to do what she wanted even if deep inside I’d rather not oblige.
Let me be clear on this; an unhealthy relationship uses guilt to get what it wants. It pushes you to feel guilt. During this season of my life, my girlfriend then would make me feel guilty if I would not give in to her desires. This way, she could demand what she wanted. In this kind of relationship you don’t give freely. You give because you need to.
On the other hand, in a healthy relationship, you give because you genuinely desire to take care of your partner’s needs. You have a genuine desire to satisfy her.
4. Exposure vs. protecting privacy
After college working in my first job, I became a better lover. I fell in love with an officemate and while in this relationship, for the first time, I learned to cover my girlfriend’s flaws.
I learned that in a healthy relationship, you go the extra mile to cover for your partner’s weaknesses. You treat your partner’s dark areas as sacred matters best hidden in a secret box, never to be divulged to anyone at any particular time. There in your own romantic world, private aspects of the intimate partnership are deliberately created and protected in order to be strengthened.
You don’t reveal private details about your lover to anyone, not even to family members or very close friends. What you possess as a couple is exclusively just for the two of you. You treat those moments and details like how governments treat classified or top-secret documents. They’re off-limits to everybody. You treasure each other’s contributions to the relationship.
Contrariwise, in a tainted love, the negative attributes of a partner become a source of nasty jokes. Even intimate moments like kissing are shared with any person willing to listen. At this stage of my life, I threw away every boy’s tendency of being a kiss-and-tell kind of guy, forever.
5. Revenge vs. restoration
I do believe that arguments and lovers’ quarrels are a way to strengthen a relationship. How? By using the fights to get to know the other person more intimately. While quarreling you gain insight into how the other partner can be served much better, rather than using the fights’ insights as a way to gather ammunition in order to control or hurt the other person in future arguments.
By getting to know the other person, you’ll gain knowledge on how to restore your bond. In comparison, an unhealthy relationship is vengeful and fights will manufacture rejection, blaming, or even oppression.
6. Self-centeredness vs. shared dreams
As I matured as an individual and as a life partner, I learned that true love transforms two individuals into one real union. Upon forming a healthy relationship, lovers weave dreams together. A fruit of which is the creation of goals that are both fresh and unified and are made by both partners. These goals are aimed at further developing the relationship and improving each partner’s well-being. (As I type this down on my laptop, I can’t help but be inspired to catapult my current relationship with my wife to a higher level.)
The unhealthy relationship, on the contrary, demands that you give up your personal dreams. Here’s a tip: if you notice that in the early stages of your relationship, your partner wants you to give up your personal dreams, I strongly suggest you better decide whether to stay in this relationship or not, ASAP! This relationship will not help you turn your dreams into reality. This ailing relationship doesn’t give — rather, it steals.
Sources:
How to Diagnose an Unhealthy Relationship by Kevin D. Arnold via Psychology Today
The Difference Between Healthy Love and Unhealthy Love by John Kim via Mind body Green
Featured photo credit: Couple on a bench — Two lovers sitting on a bench in a park and holding themselves by hands — Concepts of autumn,love,togethe rness,relationship via shutterstock.com
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Originally published at www.lifehack.org.
