How to Make Love Last Episode #53: The Stronger Marriage Podcast

This article was originally published on Kylebenson.net

In this episode, I joined Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz on the Stronger Marriage Podcast to discuss relationship stability strategies. I discusses the profound effectiveness of Emotion Focused Therapy in the stabilization of relationships. In addition, I recognized the benefits of using the research by John and Julie Gottman to maintain a healthy relationship.

Based on the discussion about Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and the dynamics of relationships, here are some key actionable steps you can take:

Relationship Stability Strategies:

• Understanding Relationship Patterns: Recognize the patterns that exist in your relationship. Are you in a cycle of pursuing and withdrawing, escalating conflicts, or avoiding intimacy? Identifying these patterns is crucial.

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• Shift from Blame to Self-Reflection: Instead of solely blaming your partner for issues, consider how your actions contribute to the pattern. Reflect on your needs, fears, and insecurities within the relationship.
• Express Attachment Needs: Share your attachment longings and needs with your partner. Express vulnerabilities like the fear of not mattering or feeling insecure. This can open avenues for reassurance and understanding.
• Promote Secure Communication: Practice communicating from a place of security and friendship. Acknowledge and appreciate each other’s efforts and strengths. Reinforce the sense of security in the relationship.
• Contain Conflict and Foster Connection: Treat conflicts as contained “bonfires” rather than escalating “wildfires.” Focus on containment, understanding, and expressing warmth for each other, thereby fostering a sense of connection.
• Initiate State of the Union Meetings: Proactively engage in discussions about challenges and successes as a team. Regularly share what’s working well and areas needing improvement, emphasizing a collaborative approach.
• Individual Effort Can Impact the Dance: Even if one partner takes initiative to change their behavior within the relationship dance, it can influence the dynamic positively. Small changes in behavior or communication can make a significant difference.
• Approach Softly and with Understanding: For pursuers, approach conversations with empathy and understanding rather than overwhelming anxiety. Express your concerns gently, highlighting your care and desire for partnership.
• Seek Professional Support: Consider seeking couples therapy, particularly Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, to delve deeper into relationship dynamics, understand attachment needs, and learn effective communication strategies.
• Continual Self-Reflection and Growth: Relationships evolve, and so do individuals within them. Engage in ongoing self-reflection, introspection, and efforts for personal growth to continually nurture the relationship.

Applying these steps can foster understanding, empathy, and a more secure attachment between partners, nurturing a healthier and more fulfilling relationship dynamic. Remember, open communication, empathy, and a willingness to grow together are key foundations for a thriving partnership.

Wondering how your attachment style impacts your romantic relationships? Take the quiz to find out.