Reflections of a Mom in the Wake of Yet Another School Shooting
3 Things I Tell Myself to Find Peace
A friend of mine told me the other day that our kids are borrowed. That as parents, our role is simply to raise them to the best of our abilities and prepare for the day when they will go out on their own and fly away.
But what happens when the day they leave us comes prematurely?
When they don’t just leave our homes, but leave our lives altogether — and by force, rather than will?
What happens when they are taken abruptly in an act of violence like just last week at the Covenant School in Nashville?
What do we make of it then?
How do we compensate for or justify that time loss with them, especially without forewarning or time to prepare?
These are questions that I wrestle with as images of grieving parents at candlelight vigils flash across news publications and social media.
This is a scene that haunts our nation time and time again.
And while I am not a parent impacted by last week’s school shooting nor any related incident that preceded it, I am a mom with a heart. One that extends to the victims of senseless shootings and any parent, for that matter, who has bared the unfathomable weight of burying a child.
If you happen to fall into either of those categories, I would be remiss without affirming this:
I honor you and I hold space for you.
I wish you healing for your loss and pain.
Beyond your wounds, you are a warrior because you have survived something in this lifetime that most people could never comprehend.
And if instead, you are a parent like me, who fights back tears at the mere thought of the inconceivable, here are three things I remember to console my angst.
Show Gratitude for Every Moment
I still remember being a child on September 11, 2011, amazed by the sea of parents that swarmed our elementary school lobby to pick up their kids midday.
What was puzzling for me at the age of 11 is now so clear to me as a mom.
Where else would our parents be at such a devastating moment of uncertainty?
They were all beckoned to us by the threat of impending danger. Desperate to hold us in their arms again, if just for one last time.
Well, what if we all treated each interaction with our kids as if it was the last time? If we prioritized gratitude and loved each other fully in every moment as though we might never see each other again.
Of course, it won’t always be easy, but I have resolved to love my son this way — every second of every day.
Live Fully, Rather Than in Fear
As a first-time mom, I’m convinced that my radar for potential threat couldn’t get any higher.
With every move that my 1-year old makes, psychic-like visions flash in my head of every imaginable undesired outcome.
If he starts to run, I think, “Ahhh! He’s going to fall and hit his head.”
If he steps outside, I think, “Oh no! A UFO is going to beam from the sky and abduct him!”
(Okay, that last one was a stretch, but you get my gist.)
Recently he started preschool, which was nerve-wrecking for me because that required entrusting him in someone else’s supervision.
I was so anxious, so fearful, that the first day he started I checked for updates on his school’s app nearly every second.
I was so concerned, at day’s end I rushed through traffic to pick him up only to find him having the time of his life.
From that, I found that it’s far more taxing and emotionally exhausting to be ruled by worry and fear.
A full and joyful life comes from hoping for the best. From expecting the best. That’s the only way to live, in truth.
Let Love be Your Greatest Legacy
I recently read a book, “The Call,” by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, in which she urges readers to wake up each morning pondering one thing:
“How can you make love to the world today?”
And what she essentially invites us to consider here is what meaningful contribution will you make to humanity?
What imprint can you make in society that will enable you to declare with certainty that your presence here on earth served as a benefit?
Upon reading this segment of the book, this was a question that initially left me at a loss for words.
But serendipitously, it also happened to be the day that for the very first time, my son said the words “I love you.”
And in that moment, as I gazed at him with tears in my eyes, the answer to Oriah’s question rang like bells in my head.
As parents, we have an opportunity to make love to the world in the most miraculous way.
We do it by raising kind humans.
We do it by raising brave humans.
We do it by generously serving others with love.
And by doing that every day, we create a legacy full of fulfillment and void of regret.
Ultimately, I find these lessons invaluable because the harsh truth is none of us know when our time will come.
We might have a chance to prepare for it or it could be abruptly taken away.
It’s as if life beckons and implores us to make the most of our time together before the inevitable interferes and tears up apart.
So rather than waste precious moments troubled by that which is out of our hands, may we all find solace in cherishing our children and living from the heart.
