Interfaith Marriage, The Reason I Said No!
When I pray for a husband, I pray for one with the fear of Allah. Someone who above all else will do the right thing because of Allah. I pray for an understanding person, compassionate, soft spoken and funny. A man who would respect me. Good chemistry and compatibility.. etc. All in all, a godly man of good character who vibes me. And also importantly, understands and appreciates my sense humour. Because it is not a pretty scene when you crack a joke or a pun and people find it offensive especially not your man. NO!
And after all this I still go back to repeat “Oh Lord, please a man who fears You, who puts you in everything he does”. That’s the top of the charts for me, so being proposed to by a non muslim was very unsettling for me.
The man spoke about how he respected muslim women, their modesty and fortitude and as he spoke all that went through my mind was “no, this cannot be happening”. I silently prayed that Allah gave me the ability to learn what I was suppose to learn from what ever was happening without making dumb mistakes.
I knew I had to object before he went any further, I told him it couldn’t happen but it was like he had written a whole speech down about love concurring all, differences shouldn’t be separations, his friends who were in interfaith marriages and he also pointed out how marriages have malfunctioned despite the conventional same faith union.
Which I kind of agree with, love concurs most, not all but most and I believe 100% that differences shouldn’t be separations, we should treat each other with kindness, love and acceptance, definitely. As for interfaith marriages, muslim men are allowed to marry women of the book (Christians and Jews), though it’s not advised and there are some precautions towards the kind of Christians and Jews they are allowed to marry. And yes, I’m quite aware that same faith marriages have been going down the rails over the years. But then again this misfortune was never provoked by faith, like everything else humans have managed to corrupt the very concept of marriage. Hence, my prayer for a good godly man and for me to be the same.
Do not marry unbelieving women, until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise. (2:221)
For women, Islam prohibits us from marrying non muslim men. This is non negotiable. This is because a muslims’ sustenance ought to be halal (lawful), which might be hard seeing as acceptability differs in every religion, and it also protects our faith and our children’s because whatever has the potential of disrupting ones faith should be avoided. And for that I say Allahamdulilah (thank God), it spares you the whole “maybe I should give it a try, maybe it will work out”, it most especially saves you when you don’t know what to say. Simply say IT’S HARAM!
Even if it wasn't, like for the men. Faith is a way of life, it integrates in our perception of things, the way we handle things, our beliefs, principles, values and our actions. Every religion has its core, its values and its rules.
As muslims we are suppose to lower gaze, avoid unnecessary interactions with the opposite gender. But that rule doesn’t apply to some other religions. So imagine marrying from another faith, a typical scenario would be your husband or your wife gives a friend from the opposite gender a friendly hug or a shake which they believe is not a big deal but the way we think as Muslims is different. Islam frowns on such acts, not that it doesn’t happen but its not suppose to. Personally seeing my spouse engaged in interactions like that might feel like cheating to me and I would find it very disrespectful. I WILL BE PISSED.
“Normal” in many faiths is using tissue instead of water after using the toilet, a glass of wine here and there is healthy scientifically. Oh! your spouse loves the smell of an early morning fried bacon, thin, not too crunchy not too soft. But not Islam. Cleanliness is part of faith, alcohol consumption is abominable, and so is pork.
And I know, people say all you need is to understand each other and be open minded but understanding and being open minded doesn’t negate the fact that your whole stance morally is different. If faith is a way of life then wouldn't we have to change our whole life for someone else? Eventually accepting their faith as the right one. Because with faith everybody believes theirs is right, every religion believes that theirs has the eternal peace and success. So unless you identify their religion as being better, my question is how do you love a person and be ok with them practicing a faith that will not bring them eternal peace? And how about the children, what faith do they choose?
It’s an uneasy concept for me because I get so stressed out when someone I care about falls on the wrong track. So to make a conscious decision to marry someone who isn’t Muslim is something I know my heart can’t handle. I can’t wake up everyday believing that my husband who I’m supposed to love and help triumph is on the wrong path — or even worse my children. That is a nightmare, but then again Allah made it easier for me as a woman, because IT’S HARAM.
May we never be attached to something or someone we can’t have.
