Be the Point Guard of Your Next Conversation
Some of the NBA’s best players today play at the point guard position: Steph Curry, James Harden, Russell Westbrook, John Wall, Isiah Thomas, Kyrie Irving, Damian Lillard, Chris Paul, Kemba Walker, Kyle Lowry, etc.
What does the point guard do? Generally, he brings the ball up the court and is responsible for distributing it to other players. The best point guards are great shooters too, and they should also be able to drive to the hoop for an easy layup.
One mantra in basketball is that the ball has energy, and the more it flies around to different players, the more energy everyone gains and the better their play.
Now think about a conversation with a group of people. Perhaps it’s at a cocktail party, or maybe a meeting at work. Or you’re at a child’s birthday party, standing around with other adults, or a dinner party around a table. The conversation is like the ball: only one person can talk at a time. How will you handle that ball?
If you play point guard, then you can begin the social gathering by trying to get other people chances to contribute to the conversation. Ask questions and get them talking about themselves and their interests. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain, because you will stop the conversation cold. (Sometimes, anyway. I still think there is room for complaining about something external if everyone agrees.) And be a good listener. A good point guard doesn’t pass the ball and then check out; she must stay engaged in the game whether she has the ball or not. Listening and asking questions helps make others feel important.
Now that the conversation is rolling, you’ve also got to know when the conversation needs you to talk. A point guard who only passes is not as good as one who can also score. If someone’s story (and followup questions) is coming to an end, then you may need to jump in with a related story of your own. If a topic appears to be ending, then get ready to transition the conversation to a new one.
Start the play and help others get ready to contribute. If you provide the first anecdote and you know someone else has had a related experience or opinion, then wrap up your story and ask them for theirs. When you talk, you help others know they don’t have to do everything. And when you prompt them to talk, you help others know they have value too.
Once the energy is flowing in the group, then you may not have to think much about your role any more. The conversation will naturally come around to you in a balanced way that helps everyone contribute. When you come prepared to play point guard in a conversation, then everyone will have a better time. Score!
