Complaining Builds Camaraderie Until You Don’t Want To Complain Anymore
Not even Dale Carnegie would say it doesn’t feel good to complain sometimes! And sometimes, becoming genuinely interested in another person means exploring their complaints and agreeing with them. For some interactions, it’s a way to build quick comaraderie.
I like talking with people. It gives me energy. And if that means complaining a little, so be it. But here’s a problem I’ve noticed… (Note to self: Am I complaining if I point out a problem with complaining? Explore later.)
When you complain at work and build camaraderie, it’s a hard pivot when you want to stop complaining.
Here’s a hypothetical example. Let’s say that a coworker of yours comes to you to complain about how a team member is handling some new responsibility. This co-worker thinks the person is dragging his feet and holding up the rest of the project. “What is with him?,” your co-worker asks, and you are willing to listen and perhaps complain some yourself. “Yah,” you agree. “I sent him an email about it a week ago and haven’t heard anything back. What’s up with that?”
For a while, this brings you closer together. You find humor in the delays this team member causes, rather than being frustrated and alone.
But now what? How long can it last? Can you go from negative talk to positive talk? And what happens when one of you wants to keep complaining while the other person decides it’s time to stop?
Complaints snowball. A minor annoyance becomes a major inconvenience when two people egg each other on with their complaints. This may be partly connected to the concept of group polarization, in which groups make more extreme decisions than the average preference of individual members.
It’s hard to avoid complaining, but it might be even harder to stop. So try to dig deeper to find something interesting about a person. Talking about something positive will lead to bigger benefits in the long term than mutual grousing.
